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Lowcountry Lowlifes
Maybe the greatest mediocre podcast you've never heard. Listen to comedian Josh Bates and Dan Sweeney talk about something and nothing all at once. Insightful? Maybe. Entertaining? Kinda. A waste of your time? Absolutely. Oh....and Dan quit the show
Lowcountry Lowlifes
Drowning in Moth D**k
You sure, you sure, you don't want any nicotine.
Speaker 3:No, dude I. You know what I'll when you're telling me a boring story, I'll run and charge it over there god damn, already with the negativity.
Speaker 2:Already we're back, dude, we are, and you know what? I'm sorry it's taking uh me so long me so long it's taking.
Speaker 3:Me so long that's a porno star.
Speaker 2:Me so long, yeah me so long it's taken me so long that's a porno star, me so long.
Speaker 3:Yeah, fine Japanese actor huge, big old three inch dick.
Speaker 2:Tale of the dragon, they call it. Uh tear.
Speaker 3:Hey, I'm so so this is going to be a continuation. For some people yes, Some people this is going to be the first time they've heard us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so welcome.
Speaker 3:Welcome. We hope the audio sounds okay, konichiwa, because right now I'm getting a little bit of stuff I don't like.
Speaker 2:It's been an ongoing thing. You know. There was a time where things sounded good. It was plug and play. It was so easy. We showed up cup of coffee, rip a couple darts. Simpler times, Talk about the weather. Everything was fine, yeah.
Speaker 3:And then now that we have like lives and you know you would hope that this got simpler- yeah, but it didn't.
Speaker 2:It got more complicated, way more complicated. Nothing's changed, but it just doesn't work as good and I think it's the whole planned. Oh, you're bleeding a little bit. Yeah, it's the whole planned.
Speaker 3:absolute, oh you're bleeding a little bit. Yeah, it's gnat season it is, and they're gonna get you. Yeah, they're gonna get you good.
Speaker 2:Oh, they're getting me good.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you like scratching your bug bites till they bleed huh, you know we're gonna save that for later in the show. Okay, but what you were saying? Yeah, planned obsolescence yeah, we're back, though. We are back. We're back, or welcome. I'm josh bates and I'm danweeney, and this is a podcast we were doing for, literally years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we were. We did it for a while it didn't feel like it no. So you know it's a different time. Tempus Fugit as they say.
Speaker 3:We just hung out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we didn't have lives. I lived in my truck.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 2:The biggest thing we had was like open mic. Yeah, we weren't on shows, no, we weren't on anything.
Speaker 3:We're in good, yeah, and then and then. We've been on a year hiatus yes, self-imposed almost two year really. Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, I mean the year we did win best podcast.
Speaker 2:We recorded one episode that year yeah, I don't know how, I don't know who you blew or what ballot box you stuffed.
Speaker 3:Who did I not blow?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it got done, and the thing that didn't surprise me at all was that it didn't change our lives one iota Not Didn't do anything.
Speaker 3:If anything, we lost gas money to go pick up our award.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wanted to leave, I wanted to leave, I wanted to leave.
Speaker 3:What happened are you still sound good. Yeah, I'm still sounding okay, sorry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're good.
Speaker 3:Gosh darn headphones yeah, I think it's because everything's sat. I'm gonna try and do this thing now, where I don't curse anymore, I'm gonna be a good boy. Yeah well, they say that it's a sign of unintelligence not cursing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh well so good luck.
Speaker 3:I guess I'm just fucking retarded then hey, hey, that word last time last time we were on the podcast you couldn't say that yeah, you could and we did we just didn't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm pretty sure I don't know.
Speaker 3:I mean, we've already made fun of Asian people.
Speaker 2:We weren't making fun of them. We were just pretending to be them.
Speaker 3:We were mimicking the sounds that were coming out of their essence. I get it.
Speaker 2:You know, there's a reason why they can't say their, the R's, their R's or L's. Why are their L's or R's? It's because they don't have any L's in their language. In Asian languages there aren't a lot of L's.
Speaker 3:I thought you were talking about handicapped people no and I was really confused.
Speaker 2:You know, I can't say.
Speaker 3:L's. It's not in their language. You know that language they speak. I really thought that's what you were.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 2:It's because they almost drowned in a river. That's my favorite. That's one of my favorite things I've ever heard. Oh, my uncle, your uncle, and how.
Speaker 3:You're like what's going on with him. Yeah, why is Uncle Roger different? Why is he not like us?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I almost drowned in a river. Yeah, they said he almost drowned in the river which was right across the street the ohio river, you're like whoa, yeah, and they're like he almost drowned.
Speaker 3:He was underwater for like three and a half minutes and I was like dang and they're like that's why he's that way. So I was always scared of water because I did not want to drown but then you grew up and you found out, uncle Roger has Down syndrome, yeah, but then I don't think anyone's ever. I don't know if he's ever been diagnosed. I mean, wouldn't that be crazy to like go in to get a flu shot.
Speaker 3:And they're like you know, you have Down syndrome, right, and he's like fuck you. What do you mean? What are you talking about? Don't put that shit on me. Yeah, don't put that shit on me.
Speaker 1:Wouldn't that be wild Drowned in the river.
Speaker 3:I don't know. He might still think that, whatever, it doesn't matter, it's just a name. No reason to burst his bubble, you get a stamp.
Speaker 2:What happens Down syndrome? Yeah On your passport. They're like DS. I don't I. Yeah on your passport.
Speaker 3:They're like yeah, ds you know, yeah, so I don't know. But yeah, then the what's wild too is you got married to a lady with down syndrome and then they had a kid whoa, that was not downsy. Wow, yeah, normal kid, yeah. But then, like, how normal can your life be when both your parents have down syndrome?
Speaker 2:yeah, you're putting them to bed.
Speaker 3:You're like, guys, we gotta go, yeah it's time to go to sleep and they're like having too much fun they're like yeah, they're like we're having pancakes.
Speaker 2:You're like it's two in the morning.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we can't be doing this so, uh, my grandma ended up raising him, wow, and she was like 140 by that point. Yeah, so he's just kind of I don't know. He's like 19 now oh, wow he might even be older and he's still like I think his profile picture on instagram is like a sonic the hedgehog. That's cool, yeah, he's yeah, poor kid.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, it's definitely not the ideal his life was stunted if malcolm gladwell wrote a book about like these are the people who achieve things in life yeah this isn't the recipe to get that yeah but it honestly it could be that's the greatest. That's a disney movie that needs to be made like that's the greatest if he rises to even the manager of a dollar general or something he deserves a movie made that's a crazy.
Speaker 2:That's an achievement, that's insane. Yeah, the cards are stacked against him, every like card, even if you're born and you just have parents. Yeah, it's the world's against you. But his is so much more so that, yes, that's a move. Why won't Disney make that? Why haven't?
Speaker 3:they greenlit that, yet They'll make fucking radio.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which, what was that? What was that? What was?
Speaker 3:that? What was the pitch in the room?
Speaker 2:So Cuba getting doing.
Speaker 3:Oh, I love him.
Speaker 2:He's great in Jerry Maguire, ed Harris what's the pitch in the room? So Cuba Gooding Jr oh, I love him, he's great in Jerry Maguire. Ed Harris. What's the role? So what is he playing? What does he do? He is retarded.
Speaker 1:Does he?
Speaker 3:play football. Like Forrest Gump, he must be a big linebacker, right? No, he doesn't play.
Speaker 2:No, he just has radios broken radios in a shopping cart in a shopping cart, oh he must coach, then no, no, he just stands on the sidelines and shouts, oh, yeah, okay.
Speaker 3:And then something happens he gets superpowers and he's able to play football and he's the, he's the quarterback of the team no oh, so then what happens? That's just that's the movie.
Speaker 2:That's the whole fucking snapshot.
Speaker 3:That's the movie. What was the story arc in that? I don't even remember. Did they throw rocks at him and they're like you got to leave? Come on radio, yeah, you got to go live in the woods now.
Speaker 2:Well, there is one scene which makes me think of the whole, like the retard strength thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Is where they're like doing the drills, where they hit the pads, yeah, and one guy's like duh.
Speaker 3:And he like runs towards radio, checks him. The guy like did he? Yeah, he slams in the ground. That's kind of racist. It was like, oh, I mean not racist, but it's kind of fucked up because that was a easter egg of retard strength yeah, it was, it was.
Speaker 2:Oh, there, it is there, it is.
Speaker 3:Yep, yeah, so I don't, I don't know you want to hear something wild now that we're talking about disabled people? Yeah, so I've been listening to this other podcast I think we glazed over your whole Down syndrome.
Speaker 2:Aunt and uncle having a family.
Speaker 3:No, that's fine, we tied a bow.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of stuff we need to unpack.
Speaker 3:Well, they got a divorce and now he's like hold on, what's great about it? Who represented One of his pals, stevie?
Speaker 2:Pulls out his briefcase and puts a crayon on it.
Speaker 3:Your Honor, I need a minute to speak with my client.
Speaker 1:Sit down on a whooping cushion.
Speaker 3:The defense rusts, okay, but yeah, no. So now, now he's like old, you know. So he's not happy like he's not happy like most people are that have down syndrome. He's bitter. Yeah, yeah, he's bitter and it's weird to have that extra chromosome and be bitter, yeah, and just be like my fucking wife.
Speaker 3:Yeah, fucking second shit but yeah, it's different, it's different, but anyway, tied in a bow. Uncle roger, I love you. Yeah, he's such a great man. Oh, I bet, got me into comic books. Yeah, yeah, but um, so I've been listening to this podcast and there is another podcast out there besides low country, low lives, yeah, which is crazy to me. I guess it's getting pretty popular.
Speaker 2:I thought you were going to tell me Uncle Roger's doing a podcast. Dude, that would be sick. Yeah, women suck.
Speaker 1:Yeah, fuck women no.
Speaker 3:So I've been listening to this podcast called the Telepathy Tapes. Have you heard about this? No, so it's a top five podcast right now. This is about kids with autism who are telepathic. Yeah, so they have they have non-verbal yeah, autism yeah and yeah, because they're telepathizing?
Speaker 3:yeah, they're just walking inflatable fun guys you know, they're just walking around just yeah just all freaked out, yeah, and so when you watch it, you find out there's these doctors that go and see this woman in Mexico and her son has autism. He can't speak. He has a little keyboard that he's able to communicate with his mom. So what they do is they have her read random words from a random word generator. Is they have her read random words from a random word generator? He's in the other room and he's getting every single one right when they show her a new word, and so the belief is that they have this connection with other people, but they definitely have it with their mothers, yeah, um, and then they all talk, they like communicate, communicate with one another in different cities, oh yeah, and they communicate, like not over the phone, but this place called the Hill, the Hill, the Hill, and they all call it the Hill, and they've never known each other, like one's in Michigan and the other one's in Atlanta.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and they both call it the Hill. Interesting Like how would they know that you know?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's an unbelievable podcast and it makes me really wonder, because it's very fourth dimension type of thing. It's not they have secret powers, but what's the science behind it? And there's some faith that gets into it, because then there's this idea of we're not necessarily supposed to see it, because they also say they see ghosts and spirits. Oh wow, some of them do, and it's all kind of the same realm, yeah, that same um. So it's very well totally, but that's mind-blowing.
Speaker 2:That is the most logical like explanation. Yeah, in in my superstitious kind of thinking of god my irish brain yeah of what autism is, and you because it's like I always, it's like I went to the aquarium with my daughter yeah, for birthday yeah and I go what are the fish?
Speaker 2:I'm not even stoned, I'm like what are the fish thinking? And I'd look at her and I go, what is she thinking? And then you hear about these kids who, like, they can't talk. Yeah, and you, what are they thinking? Yeah, and they're just plugged into this whole different dimension of reality. And what scares me, though, is that the government's going to get involved, because the government's done all sorts of.
Speaker 3:So they talk about that in the podcast and that was that shit that they were doing up in. Where was that montauk or what?
Speaker 3:yeah, someplace up in the north where they were doing the whole thing with the movie the minister, yeah, mind control, telepathy, all that stuff this is all the same stuff, brother, because what they're saying is certain people, some people like those people that are like mediums and shit, they got the shine, they have the shine and they're normal. Yeah, but almost 99 of the time, if they're non-speaking autistic, they have it because they're using a part of their brain that we're not using yeah, it's so.
Speaker 2:Uh, it's that part that's. It's probably asleep in most of us and maybe it awakens sometimes.
Speaker 3:Exactly, and theirs is always awake and the belief of things like deja vu or you did see something like you saw a ghost you.
Speaker 2:You're able to just tap into that for a split second and then it goes away golly yeah, no, they probably can't speak, but they're probably just like what the fuck?
Speaker 3:and then when they speak, when they're, when they're writing and typing all the stuff they're talking about, how they don't even have control of their bodies. Whoa, that? It's completely like it's part of their brain that they're not in touch with and they don't think of themselves as like in human form. Oh, they're true vessels.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:They're on the whim of the Holy spirit. And they talked about the whole vessel thing. They talked about how there's an idea, a theory by this one doctor about how, like, when you're up to like three years old, yeah is when you get conscious.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's when you come online yeah, that's when you, you know, yeah, I remember having these uh like thoughts when I was young, like and starting to form memories and like putting everything together yeah and just be all of a sudden, I'd just be like I'm alive, like what is what?
Speaker 2:what am I seeing? Why am I seeing? Like, what is this, how is this, why is this? And then you know you're like, oh, toy. And then you just get distracted and you kind of get immersed. Oh, I'm going to church, oh, I got like cookies and what's your first memory?
Speaker 2:oh so my first memory is I'm on a bus in a seat You're Rosa Parks and I'm black, and white people are yelling at me the move, yeah, and I'm like no, and everybody got upset. And then the memory ends, and then all of a sudden you become Dan Sweeney? Yeah, it's being on a bus School bus no, no, no.
Speaker 2:I was. I was a young, young babe, I I don't know, uh, where or when or what, but that's the memory, that's the memory. And I'm sitting and I'm just looking down the aisle and then there's like a splish, splash, you know, like a, a speckle of memories of like. I remember you remember being like young and having like really like fearful, intense memories of like fear.
Speaker 2:I remember I went to the Singapore zoo and I just left my family and went to the bathroom and then came out and I couldn't find them and I got like super terror, oh yeah yeah, just that feeling of lost yeah and then, years later, I was in college, I took a really heavy dose of mushrooms and we went to the like the woods my buddy drove his car into the woods and we were talking about how who would survive, like who do you think be the last to survive if we got lost in the woods and and stuff like that?
Speaker 2:and then we legitimately got lost in the woods and that fear of being lost did you flash it? Was at a flashback like well, that visceral moment it was the childlike like I've never been this lost or confused or disoriented before, yeah, and I was like, oh, that was that feeling, it's gonna be okay it's gonna be okay yeah, mine was.
Speaker 3:Uh, and it sounds like a joke but it's not yeah, my very first memory is a trailer park we lived in when I was like three. Yeah, we had a. Um, my mom was giving me a bath. I remember smoking a cigarette. You were smoking a cigarette. You were smoking a cigarette. No, she was smoking a cigarette, she was with her friend.
Speaker 1:You're like wait, bathe me, bitch no.
Speaker 3:She was taking a, she was drawing the bath.
Speaker 1:She had a cigarette.
Speaker 3:Her friend was there Like a fellow, like a girlfriend.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I was in the bathtub with another child my age, yeah and we were playing with a plastic sailboat and then he took a shit, oh wow. And I remember the turd coming towards me and I was screaming and my mom wasn't paying attention and it got closer and closer.
Speaker 2:And then she picked me up yeah, from the poop, and then they beat the shit out of that kid yeah, no, that's my first memory that's a good, that's a yeah, that's a tough memory, that's weird, yeah. And then they beat the shit out of that kid.
Speaker 3:No that's my first memory. That's a good, that's a yeah, that's a tough memory.
Speaker 2:That's weird.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and then I remember the trailer Like I could draw a picture of. Of the trailer yeah Of like the out, the inside, like what room was where? Yeah, it's wild. That is wild. When I get high marijuana, th marijuana, thc I play this game with myself yeah where I lay down and I travel back in time and go to those places and go to those places and then it unlocks new memories oh, wow I've had a few.
Speaker 3:I've probably had like five or six core memories not core memories, but memories that I completely forgot about that. I've retrieved New memories, lieutenant Dan, the new memories. You got new memories. You got no memories.
Speaker 2:You got no memories. You lost your memories, Lieutenant Dan Forrest.
Speaker 1:Shut up. You ever see God. You ever blown opium smoke into a hooker's ass, Forrest.
Speaker 2:No, lieutenant Dan, I love Jene you ever blown opium smoke into a hooker's ass forest no lieutenant dine.
Speaker 3:I love jenny.
Speaker 2:I remember almost drowning once I was sitting in one of those oh shit, inflatable uh uh. It wasn't like I misbehaved and yeah, yeah yeah, but I was sitting in one of those like inflatable those are big in the 80s and 90s singapore yeah and uh, a kid pushed me over and I was stuck in the thing and just being upside down and going like this.
Speaker 2:And then I got out of it and then I look around and like the moms are just chatting and I'm like, oh, I was drowned. I remember going up and being like I almost drowned. They're like're fine.
Speaker 3:Isn't it amazing that our brain takes those snapshots of, like, important things and things that it thinks it's important, yeah, and stores those? Yeah, your consciousness didn't store that, no, your brain made that physical decision to file it in like a filing cabinet Isn't that fascinating.
Speaker 2:Well, those are. Yeah, those are interesting because it's they're all like intense survival, fear, things that just I think like yours was yeah, your brain keeps track of those to prevent them from happening again. Well, and I'd have the same reaction to those things being super lost and disoriented. Not fun, yeah, as a child it's, but as an adult it's also scary. It's nice having, like, cash and you know, a phone you know, kind of figure, a way out of it. But. But also like drowning. It's not like I'm over that you know I'm surprised.
Speaker 3:I think it lost more often. Oh yeah, like without gps and just back in the 80s. Well, I wasn't driving in the 80s, but in the 90s no, but just walking around, meandering and sure, but even just like going to a friend's house that you didn't know, like I remember even just in the 2000s going. Take the first stop sign, it's the third left, and then a right, and then you'd have to write that down yeah, yeah, that part of our brain is shrinking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's playing angry birds and it's, I think, the part of the brain that the nonverbals are kind of tapped into. I wouldn't be surprised if the phones and all that stuff are kind of shrinking that, because we're just getting sucked into the technology of materialism.
Speaker 3:Well, I don't know, if you know I can't remember what comedian it was but that idea of, like you know, 20 years ago, yeah, if you didn't know something yeah, you just didn't know, it was nice, you just didn't know, you know what I've been doing.
Speaker 2:Huh, I've been intentionally not paying attention to anything yeah, it has to feel good it's. It feels good like after a cruise where you haven't had your phone yeah and it's been like five days yeah, whatever, yeah, but I don't know my instagram anymore. I don't had your phone, yeah, and it's been like five days. Yeah, whatever, yeah, but I don't know my instagram anymore. I don't know my facebook, yeah, and I don't pay attention to the news that's.
Speaker 3:That's really tough. That's really good that you're getting your uh, what's that called when you get um dopamine dope? Yeah, you're getting your. You're getting natural dopamine.
Speaker 2:I eat cookies and milk every night, though. Yeah, every night.
Speaker 1:They're too cute. There's a body. He has cookie and his milk. Yeah One's, white one's black One's all.
Speaker 3:I don't think she was white. I mean, she doesn't speak English. Milk, really well, yeah, they're strippers. Oh yeah, never mind milk.
Speaker 2:Really well, no, yeah, name, they're strippers. Oh yeah, never mind, mirk. Um yeah, so I don't know. Yeah, the dopamine thing is. It's definitely a real thing because totally, all those apps are designed like slot machines and you know, like, if you go to like, uh, you know, turning stone or ac, you just see those old people just get that dopamine.
Speaker 3:You know every, every time it hits spin.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is the one yeah, it's just it feels, and I think we're kind of wired to uh like that- yeah, we found I think our kryptonite is our dopamine, like it's really it's scary. That's why I like coke, you know, and then I never. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, dopamine yeah it's just straight hope into the up, the nose and the brain yeah it's, it's really nice, and then the phone's kind of like that too, because you're like more, more, more, more more.
Speaker 3:If I get a little more then I'll find the end of the rainbow, myself all fucked up and janet's like what the fuck? It's my first time doing coke and I'm just he said it was gonna be like phones. It was fun it's not fun.
Speaker 1:This isn't fun. This isn't fun. Is somebody out in the front yard? Who are they?
Speaker 2:let me go check yeah, I just remember being so coked up and just like staring, like sitting at the like on the porch of a party, just chain smoking hell yeah like rust cold, just like that's what I do kind of when I'm high, just thc.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I get high just lay in bed and I just stare into nothing yeah, but it's, it's a different thing because you're like.
Speaker 2:You're like memories and the bed's nice.
Speaker 1:I would like to try mushrooms, just because yeah mushrooms are fun I do think it's tapping into parts of my brain.
Speaker 3:I'm not using it'll, it'll unlock the spirit it's fun. I want to see the spirit.
Speaker 2:It'll make you feel like a child. It'll give you the the, the feelings of the intensity of you know a child yeah because those things go away, because I'm scared to get that anxiety. But that's the thing. You had that as a child and the way that you dealt with it was, honestly, if you were scared, you cried.
Speaker 3:If you were happy, you ran around I don't want to do that with the mushrooms exactly. I don't want to cry but that's what that is.
Speaker 2:That's what that? Because you're an adult now and you're like I'm just gonna, I'm gonna eat that away, I'm gonna jerk off, I'm gonna scroll high because people are like, oh, I get anxiety.
Speaker 3:I'm like why yeah? Well I because I'm not scared of it. That's's good. Back in the day I was. You accept it. That's why yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you should. You'd have a good time. You'd probably feel love that you haven't had in a little bit. I always felt that at the end of a trip or something, or during the trip.
Speaker 3:Why aren't people more addicted to mushrooms then?
Speaker 2:I think they are. I think a lot of people are doing mushrooms now.
Speaker 3:But it's not one of those things where, like when, you want to experience it like every night.
Speaker 2:No, because it's one of those things where, if you abuse the beauty, the beauty will eventually turn ugly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, yeah, that's not good, no, you got to respect it, yeah, but I'm just saying you think most of these, like there wouldn't be people doing crack, people would just be doing shrooms I think crack makes you feel way better than mushrooms you're like you're giving shrooms too much credit, josh. I mean it's a good feeling, but it's not like crack like crack.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I've never done crack, but I've smoked cocaine and that felt. I felt like 10 feet tall oh your sound both of them sound did they go?
Speaker 3:yeah, they just went.
Speaker 2:It sounds it could be the headphones. Let's do a quick reset uh there you add it. All right, that was weird, the headphones I think it's.
Speaker 3:They literally sat in the garage for, oh yeah they year and a half. They got some age.
Speaker 2:I don't think anymore the spider came in here.
Speaker 3:Well, they're probably yeah, the molds probably spread throughout this building and left it, left these covers, yeah, and it's now everywhere else do you think humans are evolving in a way that other species didn't, as in there's something where it's multiplying and mutating faster than other species?
Speaker 2:Cognitively, yeah, probably physically no, yeah, you know well, cause it's not as necessary anymore, maybe. No, we have like coats and stuff. Yeah, we didn't. You know, the hairiest it'd just be Italiansians and greeks, just be hairy, hairy people to stave off the colds, and stuff like that. Yeah, you know, I mean, that's the interesting thing. I always wanted to try and do this bit on stage, where the only thing your skin color tells me, or the way you look tells me, is that who your ancestors were into.
Speaker 2:Fucking that's all that's literally all that's all it is if you get like a really white person like me, they. That's all we did. It was just white people having sex in the mud in europe and then, because the sky was gray and we needed the whitest skin possible to get as much sun as we could, so we didn't die yeah and then you know if you get really, you know black people, that's who they were into. And then if you get the smorgasbord, you're like oh, you know, they're a little I liked your explanation of blacks, you know, and then black, you know.
Speaker 3:They had what they, you know. They did the, the thing that I was doing. But well, like asians, the the reason why the the eyes look, quote-unquote squinty. Do you know why that is? No the wind in like mongolia oh yeah, careful, no, but like the wind yeah and the dust is. Yep. See, there goes your SNL Whoops. But then what happens is you don't get on SNL, but then they let you be a host.
Speaker 1:Wait a second, you're telling me the wind will blow very fast.
Speaker 3:Mongolia. Yeah, that's why the Chinese built that wall, dude A brick the wind, because the wind.
Speaker 2:Not the Mongolians. Yes, that crazy damn, you mongolians can't have my shitty wall shitty walk I like doing other voices other than mine, yeah what do you know? Yeah, we just did a retarded southerner earlier forrest gump, disgruntled vietnam vet. You know the voices are fun to do. It's fun to be that that person for a moment. Yeah, and just see what that. What is it like to talk like that?
Speaker 3:I agree you know, you know I would.
Speaker 2:Two years ago I probably wouldn't agree with you I do that on when you don't, you order from a chinese restaurant. You know, james, what you want and you're like, I'd like a chicken and I want a chicken fried rice and I want, uh, sweet and sour chicken and I want potstick. I'm not like and I would like potstickers and I would like the sweet. I meet them where they're at. It's good to do. You code switch. I code switch all the time. I do too. I try not to Everybody's like. Oh, you're code switching.
Speaker 3:I'm like, yeah, I'm trying to make the person feel comfortable, I'm trying to blend in.
Speaker 1:I did that episode deadrick yeah, podcast, hey yo what up?
Speaker 3:deadrick dude I sounded so bad man, what's atlanta like yo, yo, yo what I'll do, oh, yeah, that's what I'll say. It was bad, yeah, it was bad, yeah, very cringy. Go back and listen to that. I will not. No, not the fans, ah, yes, the listeners yeah, the people who have stumbled into this corner of the internet. Welcome, this is it. This is what we've been talking about. We've got to get the podcast back.
Speaker 1:Maybe you want to know why they squint. It's because the wind? I don't know why my?
Speaker 3:there's no evolutionary reason for my pubes to be red, though that doesn't yeah, I mean the pigmentation, the color, color of our hair was, yeah, depending on the region that you were in, really well, I'm thinking of like ant mammals, yeah, like a moth, for example. That was always the explanation of darwinism was there were these moths that were, um, like kind of white in new york, yeah, in this new york city, and what would happen is the birds would see them, because the building used to be white, so they were fine, so they flourished there, but then, as the smog grew, yeah they would die off, and then they mutated gray and the gray ones lived and the white ones are now extinct.
Speaker 3:They don't even exist. They became shittier moths.
Speaker 2:Shitty moth, oh yeah, shitty moth, Fuck you shitty moth. So as the city, the Industrial Revolution and all that, the moth itself also became industrialized.
Speaker 3:No, that's just an example of natural selection. Yeah, that thing, you know, the thing that survived, have offspring that the one gray moth that nobody paid attention to at the dance around the light, yeah all of a sudden they were like, hey, this guy we're getting all the moth pussy. All the female moths were like you're not actually not that bad that moth pussy is tight.
Speaker 2:He's like come over here, bitch, come here, bitch, suck this big old moth dick. Come on, get my dust, take all my dust, you know, moths are kind of dusty.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, yeah yeah, it's my balls when they haven't been sucked in there, my big old moth cack. Hey, bitch, come over here. That's what moths sound like. Yeah, kind of like andrew dice clay a little bit. Oh, oh oh. You're too good for these balls, bitch. I hope you're not. I hope you just didn't pick up some food listener. You know, like your mcdonald's drive-thru and the window just rolled down and they suck my moth balls. You fucking cunt.
Speaker 1:Eat my ass, you dumb white moth bitch.
Speaker 3:Lick it. You want little brown babies. You better come over here and suck my cat you want city moths.
Speaker 1:Take this load in your body.
Speaker 3:Oh, oh, hey, hey, wait a minute. Look at that big shiny thing. You see that, yeah, I'm going to go dance around over that for a little bit and then I'll come back and lick that nice little fucking moth twat you got. This is my new character I'm going to do on stage yeah.
Speaker 1:The moth. Yeah, hey, how's it going? I'm a moth Natural selection. You know, back in the day they were all dumb white moths and just me, gray moth hanging out in the corner and they used to make fun of me.
Speaker 3:They used to say hey, look at that fucking brown moth. Oh, look at that. Look, he doesn't pay his bills.
Speaker 1:Oh, he's lazy. And now all of a sudden I'm fucking all your bitches, yeah.
Speaker 3:All the birds came started eating all you little white moths.
Speaker 2:This is a really angry, misogynistic moth I mean he wasn't raised this way, but society made him that way.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because if you get rejected enough, because you look different, you're going to Nature, of our nature. Yeah, and all of a sudden you're going to feel some sort of way.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you're welcome listeners for hearing this shit. I mean, this is You're welcome you fucking.
Speaker 1:You like that Fagola, the fucking brown moth. Now look at your dumb white moth boyfriend looking over there. He's going to get eaten by a seagull while you're sucking my dick, my big old hairy mothy balls.
Speaker 3:Mothy is now an adjective bitch.
Speaker 1:My name is Mothy, mothy, moth. Yeah, I don't even know. Oh shit, I'm gonna moth, I'm gonna moth all over you. Oh fuck, oh, you take my little white babies. Look at his eyes while you're doing it. Yeah, you're mine.
Speaker 2:It's a sick moth Fucking piece of shit. Moth yeah Fucking asshole moth.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's what happened. You know dogs. I think we talked about this on the podcast at one time. I don't care, yeah, dogs. I got tripped out. I never thought dogs have eyebrows what? Yeah, look at a picture of a dog. You'll see eyebrows.
Speaker 2:They are an eyebrow. Their whole body's an eyebrow but why do they have eyebrows? Because it's a different color. No no.
Speaker 3:They have Think of a dog and they have the brown color right there.
Speaker 1:They have assholes too.
Speaker 2:Look at the hair around there. It's different. Why do they have that?
Speaker 3:To express no Guess what steel-faced dog that its eyes didn't know exactly. This is what happened. Yeah, to humanize them, like certain dogs had it, and they started breeding dogs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like to have eyebrows. I like that one with the friendly eyes. Make it, fuck that one. Yeah, that makes sense, wouldn't you do that? Yeah, imagine if you were sitting around the campfire with your buddies making dogs. You know, that one I don't like, but that one, the the guy with the friendly eyes.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That one with the flat face.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's hot Little facts dude. We're giving Snapple facts tonight.
Speaker 2:Dog breeding must be wild, wild, wild times.
Speaker 3:You're just sitting there waiting, especially if you need the money. Yeah, and these two pit bulls are like god damn it.
Speaker 2:No, I think when they mix the different like the wild oh the great dane and the chihuahua fucking matthew broussard this weekend comedian had a funny joke about that?
Speaker 3:oh yeah, just about how everyone has like a shepoodle or this poodle or that poodle yeah he's like man those poodles are. It's a good time to be a poodle, because the poodles are just coming out like oh, enjoy my fruits of the garden.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's like that brown moth, you know. Yeah, he was like god damn.
Speaker 3:Poodles are fucking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, at a certain point you know it's like a rock star. He's just like that's not. You know, just some jaded poodles. That's not. You know, just some jaded poodles. Like that's not what life's about, man, it's about sniffing the grass and rolling around, you know, and you're like shut up, just trying to get laid. It's a poodle. I felt like you know, animals fucking, I don't know. Yeah, I felt like I felt weird when I had to take my cat to get his nuts clipped.
Speaker 3:Did you yeah.
Speaker 2:Because he looked at me and he's like what are we doing? Here, if you only knew, and I'm like I'm sorry, man.
Speaker 3:Man, if you only knew.
Speaker 2:If you only knew, I know, yeah, it was like the Humane Society. And you know that they're not like Great doctors, they just like jam them full of a sedative and then some guy with giant nail clip just rusty scissors.
Speaker 3:He's like this one you know, and then probably right, that's come off, and then yeah, he's fine, he was good back there, he's a good cat.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's fine.
Speaker 2:He was really screaming. He's just got a bucket of cat balls next to him. Just a little fuzzy, you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they. They just have one hazard bag they use that day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, throw it with the other Cat balls. Yeah, I mean, there's that guy who grew up. He grew up and he's like what do you want to do when you grow up? The guidance counselor? He's like I want to cut animals balls off. Yeah, for money.
Speaker 3:All right. Well, the ones that don't do it for money end up being serial killers. On Mike Rowe's.
Speaker 2:Dirty Jobs. We're here With the sterilizing animals.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Anytime I see a vet, I'm going to just look at him and be like you're a dog killer.
Speaker 2:What you do is you flick him a little bit and you take an ice cube and you just rub it around there. Look at that, he's asleep. Look at him.
Speaker 3:Look at all the animals. They kill too, man Like every day.
Speaker 2:There's a vet in my town who would just like drive his car and just like throw the bodies over onto, like, the side of the road. Do you think?
Speaker 3:if you're a veterinarian.
Speaker 2:You got caught.
Speaker 3:And if you're a vet and someone says, hey, you know, I'm a vet. And they go. Thank you for your service. Do you correct them? No, you, they go. Thank you for your service. Do you correct them? No, you just go, you're welcome.
Speaker 2:You're welcome even though they're a veterinarian but, to avoid the conversation, they probably just go with it well, it's also a weird answer, like if somebody's like hey, what do you do?
Speaker 3:and you're like I'm a vet yeah, it would be weird to answer that I mean, you're just a veteran, now, yeah, that's what you do you just walk around and veteranize I just, I'm just, I just walk around with memories do you know? The sad thing is is that's pretty much what I did for three years before the club opened yeah yeah, shuffle around.
Speaker 2:I was just a veteran bathrobe.
Speaker 3:I was johnny appleseed.
Speaker 2:Spread my vet yeah around you know in afghanistan we fucking heard already josh jesus christ walk up to the kids sitting waiting for the bus. Yeah, a lot of goats in afghanistan. That's what they told us. You just start recounting. A mission sent that a two-way hymn.
Speaker 3:And little Jimmy was like hey, I want a little extra hour of sleep. And I said no, little Jimmy, we gotta go on patrol. We gotta go on patrol for our country, for George W Bush. And that was the day little Jimmy's face Was no longer a face, but just a big old manwich.
Speaker 1:Little Jimmy became a man that day A horribly disfigured man Was no longer a face, but just a big old manwich. Little Jimmy became a man that day.
Speaker 2:A horribly disfigured man, the. Ied went off five clicks from town. He had no idea. Yeah, kids, get on the bus, keep talking. What do you do? I'm a vet. Oh, thank you for your service. Stay away from that guy. He's just he's in the past. Yeah, yeah, vets, are they got to go to more school than everybody else?
Speaker 3:I mean not the doctors, so many animals. Veterans.
Speaker 2:Veterinarians, veterinarians, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I hate to burst your bubble but I don't have to do that, no uh bless you child, sorry, sorry just unlocking core memories.
Speaker 3:Core memories holy shit I I close my eyes, I can.
Speaker 1:Where's the clown in the?
Speaker 3:trailer Where's the poo-poo in the bathtub?
Speaker 1:It's floating towards me.
Speaker 3:Why do I have red pubes this season on Low Country, low Lives?
Speaker 1:I mean, what's the evolutionary purpose to me having?
Speaker 2:Hey, suck my big old buff dick hey, I'm at a weird point in my life. I don't know if you're here yeah I don't want to travel anywhere outside of the country, okay I'm gonna.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna not only say that, but I don't want to. I don't want to leave the state. Thank, you.
Speaker 2:I don't want to thank you. Does your wife want to travel a little?
Speaker 3:she's traveled the world, antarctica is the only continent she hasn't been on.
Speaker 2:You can go there for like four grand. It's expensive. They took a bunch of flat earthers there. My in-laws went.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, good time. Yeah, they had a great time they killed a woolly man? No, they did cool shit.
Speaker 3:Like the boat was, like a.
Speaker 1:Icebreaker.
Speaker 3:Not a National Geographic, it was an icebreaker, but it was like a brand new type of icebreaker. Yeah, it's like the first commercial. I mean not commercial, but the first, like normal person, can travel on them.
Speaker 2:This one cubes the ice as we break it, catching ice cubes and whiskey glasses Makes perfect little whiskey balls, bully, antarctic ice, the finest ice.
Speaker 3:I only drink Antarctic ice, the finest ice.
Speaker 2:I only drink antarctic ice yeah, I don't want to travel anywhere.
Speaker 3:I died I don't want to go anywhere yeah, I don't, I have no desire and my wife loves staying at airbnbs and I hate it. Why I don't want to sleep in someone else's house no, why would?
Speaker 2:yeah, I don't. Yeah, it's gross. We did that for the honeymoon. We went to like an airbnb, yeah, and it was just at some chick's house like named Mallory. Yeah, she put like eggs. She's like here, have some eggs, and I was like there's nowhere you even cook them. There's like a hot plate. It's just weird. That's weird. Then we go out there and she'd be like doing laundry. She's like, hey, that's weird, like did you?
Speaker 1:hear what I did last night. Huh To my little moth wife. Huh, big old moth titties in my face, slap in my face, eat my ass.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't like Airbnbs, but I just this weird thing where I'm like let's just not travel for five years, let's just, let's just stay.
Speaker 3:You know what You're? In my house we don't ever fucking travel.
Speaker 2:we'll barely go anywhere he's like daddy, can we?
Speaker 3:no, no, no, you'd have dreams and that's it like in my mind. I want to do it, but then when we do it, then you run through the logistics of it the waking up, the going, the having, the.
Speaker 2:It's a lot customs no, I don't forget about it. I want no part of that life. No, and some people I think could just tap into that I'm in it and this is I. Just I never. I don't want to go out to eat like it at all you know I don't want to go anywhere. No, that's tough and you know what things are tough. You know things are tougher when you have a little kid. Yeah, you're just like, oh, I just gotta Travel.
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh dude, it's the worst yeah. Bags and bags and bags of shit. Yeah, like, oh, and then you forgot the monitor. Oh no. And then now you know, yeah, the whole trip's ruined. You're convincing yourself it's okay to buy another $100 monitor while you're on vacation.
Speaker 2:It is a weird thing. The monitor companies have tricked me into being like if I can't hear her sleeping, something's wrong. Oh yeah, because the monitor will be off. And if she wakes up and cries I hear it.
Speaker 3:But you know there was one time where I had the monitor and I thought she slept through the night and the monitor wasn't on the entire night. Really. Yeah, I felt horrible because I'm sure there was a chance that she was up and I just didn't hear.
Speaker 2:Well, she learned yeah, I don't like that. You're not a. You're not a big cried out guy I was, and then janet.
Speaker 3:So janet, I don't know. She wants me to talk about this. I don't think she'll care.
Speaker 1:No, she won't give a shit.
Speaker 3:Jan. Janet co-sleeps with Isabel. Just the two of them.
Speaker 1:Daddy's got his own bed.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And so at first I was like this sucks. And now I'm like I want this to be like this forever, Never come back. Yeah, but no, At first I was like that's dumb. You sleep train kids. My other two kids are sleep trained, yeah, and it's kind of fucked up. And Two kids are sleep trained, yeah, and it's it's kind of fucked up. And they're like no, no, it's fine, they're okay, Just let them cry They'll, they'll be fine. And you're like no, you're literally training them from fear.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And it's. It's a very weird thing and, like native Americans, for example, they slept with their families up until they were like five or six, seven, eight years old, but they didn't fear the white man. And look what happened to him. Sure, maybe they should have poor example, a little worried.
Speaker 2:They had their reservations about sleep training god damn, dan's a fucking genius uh, yeah, I, because there's the two things where. And then there's like the middle ground where if the baby's losing their you know they're crying and stuff and they're afraid, and you go in, you pat them on the back, you're like it's okay it's fine yeah you don't pick them up, everything's fine yeah, but she'll like roll over and be like pick me up, what are you?
Speaker 2:I'm not, I'm not stupid. Yeah, and she's in this phase now where, like, I have to, like you know, if I put her to sleep, like it's a good time, but most of the time she'll just start. She wants her mom.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the mom's like oh, my god, okay, yeah, all right, fine. I'm like what do you want me to do? I'm not a woman.
Speaker 3:I didn't carry her in my body I mean it's pretty fascinating that they say that they think babies. I think we talked about this, where babies think them and their mother are the same person, how they came up with that conclusion. Yeah, doctors would slap kids around and go. Baby tell me, come on.
Speaker 1:Come on, let it out. Talk to me, baby.
Speaker 2:She thinks you're the same oh, that was weird that wasn't your chest I think I pulled my bicep, oh yeah you ever done that so I hold, I hold the baby on the left side all the time yeah and then I do manly things and lift 70 pound sheets only when I'm doing a lot, of, a lot of weight training.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's been a long time yeah, it hurts, yeah, but it's on my left arm. So now, every time, you know, it'll kind of hurt and I'll be like this is the big one. I'm having a hard dude my every day I do that. Do you think you're dying? Every day at least once um and you go.
Speaker 3:I'm just in all honesty yeah, yeah, I do too every day it sucks. Every day I even a cold. I start getting a cold. I'm like this might be it. This is a big one, new aids. Every time my dog comes up to like yeah, we talked about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, lay down next to me, I'm like okay cat did that to me this weekend, just like, came and sat on my chest and I was like I it's like. I read an article where it's like homeowner was sitting there eating soup and the cat came up and sat on his lap and he was like that's bizarre.
Speaker 1:She never sits on my lap. And then, five minutes later, I had a stroke, yeah, and I was just like God.
Speaker 2:So whenever the cat comes up, I'm like a stroke and she's like the cat just wants to.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:I'm like they know.
Speaker 3:I'm always worried because I'm again like when I'm doing THC yeah that if something happened, I go to my wife and I'm like she's going to be like you're fine, josh, you're high and I'm going to be high while I'm having, like, a heart attack. Wouldn't that be crazy?
Speaker 2:I remember I did blow once and it was like this guy came to the college from like the city and he wore like one of those scully caps and stuff. You know he's a pretty cool dude. I think he had suspenders on too, yeah, and he, like you know, bought like an eight ball and he's like be careful with this stuff.
Speaker 1:It's really good Coke. I remember being like okay buddy.
Speaker 2:I'm 19 years old, I think I know what I'm doing and I remember my buddy ripped the line and I just remember staring in the mirror and being like you're okay, man, you're not dying.
Speaker 3:Just damn.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, every time I want to know what a heart attack feels like, I don't. The only reason I do is because I want to know what it I don't know. It's hard to explain.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you want the simulation of the thing.
Speaker 3:So then I can go. Okay, this is a heart attack.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this isn't just like old.
Speaker 3:This isn't getting old.
Speaker 2:Yeah, gas will do it.
Speaker 3:Bro, you ever get gas like in your.
Speaker 2:Yeah, shoulders, shoulders, yeah, chest. I'm like, and then like it works its way down, and then I get into bed and my wife's like good night and I'm just like Well that like this is embarrassing.
Speaker 3:One time in the military I was having these horrible chest pains Like I'm talking the worst.
Speaker 1:And I was like Sarge yeah, and I was like I got to go, so I went and like Little.
Speaker 2:Jimmy went out instead of me.
Speaker 3:They gave me an EKG and they gave me you know they did all this work up, you know, at the, at the doctor Cause I said I was having chest pain, yeah, and the doctor was like, okay, you know, do you do any drugs? And I was like, no, do you do this? No, you know, okay, your blood pressure looks fine, you know, yeah, and uh, he goes, okay, you know he's asking me all these questions. You learn anything? No, he goes would you eat for breakfast? And I was like, oh, I had like three taquitos. And he's like, okay, what'd you have for lunch? And I was like I had taco bell and I had two red bulls today. And he just looked at me. He goes yeah, you don't have a heart problem, you have an eating problem. Yeah, you're disgusting. Yeah, I mean it was. Yeah, like the shit I put in my body, stomach's like. Oh, yeah, I mean it goes back to. I've talked about it on the podcast. I'm sorry, but like during COVID, that's why I quit smoking.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because I'm like hey, we got to wear these masks, we got my mask, yeah, and I'm smoking. It's like dude, this is dumb. What am I doing? Yeah, why am I smoking?
Speaker 1:when? Oh, because smoking is so good.
Speaker 2:Josh, yeah, but like how can I be concerned?
Speaker 3:about anything when I'm doing that now. It's the same thing with my diet yeah like I can't be like, oh well, yeah, josh, look what you're fucking eating. Look what you're. You're eating fucking deli meat and cheese at 4 am hey, janet, I don't feel good, yeah, and she's like yeah, you just had a dr pepper when you woke up lucid cheeses and meats on your chest.
Speaker 2:I think there's something wrong babe.
Speaker 1:My chest hurts.
Speaker 3:I can't breathe, my chest is tight, yeah, but I'm good, I'm not, I'm not Dan, I know what are you telling me. That's the thing I feel like. If they were like, josh, you have lung cancer, I'd just be like, oh okay, well, what do I need to do?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so what? It goes away eventually.
Speaker 3:They're like no, you have stage four lung cancer. Oh well, I'll do better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll just stop with the. So don't do the vapes as much.
Speaker 2:And they're like no, no weeks you have weeks and I'm like actually start doing everything you quit yeah, like sean patton said, just eat raw chicken yeah, just snort whatever. Yeah, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. Yeah, I, katie and I, my wife and I, have this fantasy of we get older kids leave. We've made it to a good age and we're just like let's just start swinging let's just start smoking again oh yeah and you fuck other people how I'll smoke in the corner and be like how old?
Speaker 3:how old if it's up to you right now, how old do you think we're in our 30s.
Speaker 2:So let's see 80s.
Speaker 3:No, probably 60s oh, so you're trying to go out and you're like late 70s, yeah late 70s, 80s, I 90s would be nice.
Speaker 2:I'd really love 30, 30 years of smoking.
Speaker 3:Be like that old guy who's like walking in the park and like khakis and slippers just smoking, but like, still, like johnny carson I think my grandpa was 89 when he died and he he was chewing tobacco every day yeah, there's like that.
Speaker 2:There's that kind of person like I'm fine with not drinking, I won't do the drugs, just give me a cigarette. Just give me a cigarette. I really like seeing.
Speaker 3:Why can't they figure that out?
Speaker 2:Like we put a man on the moon and we can't make, yeah well, when we put a man on the moon, we were also smoking indoors.
Speaker 3:And then we stopped smoking indoors. But you can't give me a cigarette, that that's not bad for me no, I think that's the beauty of a sick, I mean no, it's not, it's just it tastes good.
Speaker 2:There's never gonna be a thing.
Speaker 3:There's never gonna be a a thing that's good for you, that that is joy that is smoke you breathe into your lungs.
Speaker 2:Never. That's how people die in fires. Most of the time it's smoke inhalation yeah, and you're just, you're like uh it's like 9 000 packs of cigarettes at once yeah that was like that bit. I was like I'm just training for a house fire you know it's.
Speaker 3:Oh, I almost have a punch up. It's like edging.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's edging, choking to death oh yeah yeah, no, but there's just something really nice about you know smoking. I don't know. I I admit I do like not doing it all the time now, but that makes it that much better when you light up that first dart and you really go. This is where the rest of my life.
Speaker 3:Could you imagine how dizzy you would be right now?
Speaker 2:oh, if you just took a nice long drag of a I don't know. Well, I've been using these in, so I you know I'm pretty, I'm pretty nicked up most of the time the other night I was on stage and a guy pulled his neck out yeah and, uh, he sucked it.
Speaker 3:I was making fun of him, yeah. And then he was like you want one? And I was like you, goddamn right, I want one, give it to me. And I took it and I put it in. You can't pass out, you can't. I couldn't be a bitch. I had to do the rest of my set with it in.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And it was hard.
Speaker 1:Oh fuck.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I kept saying that, I kept telling the audience and they were laughing because, I was just like oh, off the stage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is an emergency it sucked.
Speaker 3:It was funny, though it was worth the joke. It was worth the bit. I had committed to the bit yeah, zin zin are great.
Speaker 2:I mean, I loved chewing tobacco. Chewing tobacco was fantastic. I can't. It doesn't. Oh, it's just. It's just, you're just, it's just a straight shot. It skips all the having to go to the lungs and stuff.
Speaker 3:It's just right into the bloodstream but it feels like you, it's like it feels like five cigarettes. Yeah, it's amazing, it hurts a little bit yeah you get used to the burn.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's the thing. That's a big burn. Oh, it's a good burn, oh man the worst is if you fall asleep with one. I did that a bunch. Then you wake up and you're like and if you drooled, it's just like all over in your bed. But if you didn't drool, you're like how am I alive?
Speaker 3:yeah, what the how did I choke on it?
Speaker 1:I have a.
Speaker 2:I have a problem now yeah, that was the worst being fucked up a little drunk and you put a dip in.
Speaker 3:You're like I'm just gonna watch some tea someone walks in and you're just in your recliner with this brown juice it's so gross.
Speaker 2:And then my dick just like holding your little fucking little half not even half, it's completely the blood has gone to it and actually less blood is in it now.
Speaker 3:It's just, yeah, just the head's peeking out, just looks like when a head's gotta dip into it looks like when a night crawler is retreating away.
Speaker 2:It's just like real yeah, or some sort of weird outer space worm got salt on it, repelled.
Speaker 3:My penis is acting different. My piss.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Like I would hear my buddies talk about having a shake. I see guys at the bathroom stall doing their little shake.
Speaker 2:You shake it more than twice.
Speaker 3:You're playing with it, yeah, but you see, the shake I never have to shake Like I piss. It completes it's done. Yeah, lately gotta there's a little dribble, a little dribble, dribble. Yeah, I gotta kind of like really get it, yeah. Yeah, you don't want pissy pants, you're gonna have them. Best thing to do is just be like I pissed my pants, but I think at my age now I'm finally. Yeah, you're getting the drip.
Speaker 2:The drippy eye. It's all right, I'm aging. Yeah, I don't like it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's going to get to a point where, eventually, you're waking up in the middle of the night and you're just Just pissing all night.
Speaker 1:You're hoping, wishing I was pissing, Splash, splash.
Speaker 2:I'm pissing in the bath, because I'm a confused old man man in there.
Speaker 1:Rub a dub, relaxing in the tub, thinking everything was all right. Oh wow, look at that.
Speaker 2:That was nice yeah.
Speaker 3:We're right at 58 minutes bud.
Speaker 2:Hey, it felt good.
Speaker 3:Did it feel good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I want to do this.
Speaker 3:I want to do this more. I you know I we we've talked on. We talk on the phone, we're gonna do this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we are. We talk about every week. We do gotta do the podcast.
Speaker 3:We've been doing it for a long time and we're I think we're pretty decent at it. No, don't jinx it, I mean the content's just horrible.
Speaker 2:Not good, but the thing is is that you don't want to be alone. We're local guys. Look we sit in I-26 traffic, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We drive through neighborhoods.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Some that are nice and some that are bad. I don't know where he's going with this, but yeah, we're just people in Charleston trying our best.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and for some reason there are people that have come up to us and they like this.
Speaker 2:I'm building a chair for the green room up to us and they I'm building a chair for the green room. I have the wood. Yeah, it's gonna be made out of nice cherry wood it's gonna be a chair.
Speaker 3:Yeah, all right. What do you need? Well, we were talking about a table oh, the podcasting table yeah yeah, I'm not doing that I might want you to make me a live wood uh thing from my mantle.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I could do that wouldn't that be nice?
Speaker 2:yeah, I look good there yeah, I mean honestly, you know you should see what your wife wants you to do, but I got plenty of I got. I got all the machines and things that you need to make a nice mantle for you and I will make a nice mantle for your. That'd be fun. You want a live edge one. I got some wood. I got some like wood that from a tree that got taken down hell yeah, but it needs now you got a new tree.
Speaker 2:You didn't talk about that yeah, we'll talk about that in the next one because yeah because we're 59, you're being responsible I gotta call insurance people and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:I gotta deal with that shit, fucking neighbor god.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we'll talk about that later sound like bill burr right now my fucking neighbor dude. Um, but yeah, no, it's good to be here, good to be heard.
Speaker 3:Do you think real quick? I know we're about to leave 59 minutes. We're in an hour now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Bill Burr being maybe related to Billy Corgan. Have you been?
Speaker 2:following this. Yeah, it's funny. I got sucked in for a second and I told my wife about it and she made me feel like such a gossipy whore. She's like why, who cares? So yeah, she's like who gives a shit? And I was just like I just think it's interesting, yeah, that they ended up both being.
Speaker 3:It's exactly what I said.
Speaker 2:Very famous people, very good communicators, just yes and yeah at the top of the world. Not only that, but bill burr is a musician, yeah, like he plays the drums.
Speaker 3:He plays the drums.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I wonder and bill burr was very embarrassed and did not want to talk about it because this is the thing, and I totally I get why burr would be upset. Oh yeah, is it ruined. That sabotage too. It ruins your whole child, the family, it ruins it and it makes your mom look like a whore. Yeah, because I had that thought. I was like if I found out I wasn't my dad's son, I'd be like whoa, you know, like at a later age too, especially.
Speaker 3:And then not only that, but now it's public. So on top of that, I have that feeling, but now it's public, so on top of that, I have that feeling, but now it's but then there's another part of me.
Speaker 2:I'm like you're a millionaire, so whatever. Yeah, but that's kind of for sure. Yeah, no, I mean there's, there's two sides to it. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, okay, yeah, I gotta feel bad for him, but you go.
Speaker 3:My sympathy only extends so far not that we know anything, but do you think it would be? I think it'd be cool. I don't think it'd be cool if they were related, I don't know. I think it's neat that that these two eat my ass.
Speaker 1:You little moth slut, fucking moth whore. I'm in town for one night. Yeah, I'm gonna do what moths do not just any moth, but a brown moth. Godspeed, make a big old brown moth dick. Thank you.
