.jpg)
Lowcountry Lowlifes
Maybe the greatest mediocre podcast you've never heard. Listen to comedian Josh Bates and Dan Sweeney talk about something and nothing all at once. Insightful? Maybe. Entertaining? Kinda. A waste of your time? Absolutely. Oh....and Dan quit the show
Lowcountry Lowlifes
YETI
oh yeah, oh yeah, my goodness, that's josh bates, dan sweeney. Hey, thanks for uh being back here and saying you know what. I'll give them another shot, why not?
Speaker 2:you know it's like booze. You know what? I'll give them another shot. Why not? You know it's like booze. You know just keep trying.
Speaker 1:One day you'll get a hold of them.
Speaker 2:Two strikes, you're out, but there's three outs and we're not playing baseball so and there's nine innings Swing away.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we got a lot of outs. It's fourth and nine. Listen, I get up. It's hard to get up when you're 44 and you're out of shape like I am. Everything hurts. I do chores, I do what's on my list, the honeydew list, I. I go grocery shopping, I do this, I do that. I go pick up the kids. Today I'm making dinner for them. They're just in a bad mood. It's been a long day for them, you know, with their own life. Yeah, and the wife home, we're able to finish, wrap up dinner. I give her a kiss, don't even get to see her because I have to drive here, and when I drive here, I want to have a good time.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of financial stuff that's going on here. There's a lot of a lot of moving parts with the ownership, with financials, with bookings and I'm like you know what. I don't care about any of that. I'm gonna go up and I'm gonna do my five minutes like everybody else. I'm no fucking different than anyone else. I'm gonna do my five minutes. On open mic night. I got some new stuff that I want to say. I want to perfect it because we got a show coming up this weekend and there's two fucking fat bitches in the back talking and just commentary on every single joke I had. Now they say, josh, what you didn't have to say. They were fat bitches, but listen, if they were nurses at the hospital, yeah, and they were helping out a little kid with their their bone treatment yeah I wouldn't call them fat.
Speaker 2:Uh-huh, they'd just be fat nurses.
Speaker 1:Exactly, yeah, fucking fat. No, they would be nurses, dan, they just be nice nurses, those two nice worst nurses. These were fat bitches. These are your bar flies. Oh, bar flies, bar flies at a biker bar.
Speaker 2:Yeah, who happened to come here tonight? They're predators. They wandered. Oh yeah, who happened to come here tonight? They're predators they wandered?
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, they've definitely. And don't get me wrong, they're here out of, they're not performing, they're just here to have a good time. Yeah, and they were having a good time. They were, and that's why I pushed it a little bit with them. I talked back at them. They didn't get the hint. I could have went way worse, I could have kicked them out, and it was like why One, why am I going to kick out, like you said, a sixth of the audience? And then two, they're just having a fucking good time. They might come to a show every other week, for all I know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're people who are trying to escape reality for a little bit, like ourselves.
Speaker 2:They're probably a little inebriated. They seem like the type who enjoy a nice buzz.
Speaker 1:You know what they also look like? They do Take giant shits yeah for sure, bear shits. Yeah, and they're using a towel. There's no toilet paper being used.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when it happens, it's an emergency and it's a situation, it's a situation. Um, yeah, they were definitely tough, yeah, so I'm gonna.
Speaker 1:I'm in a mood now. I'm not really.
Speaker 2:I'm a little fired up no, yeah, you're fired up, baby I'm fired up.
Speaker 1:You know what's nice, though, like a male cheerleader on game day. Hell yeah, bro, hell yeah. I'm like, hey, we're not gonna fuck up this flip again. Are we stacy?
Speaker 2:well, it was interesting because they, they are the people Cause I went up right before you. Yeah and uh, the host said my name. She said hey, up next is Dan Sweeney, and I went up and they were just laughing. They were like so, weenie, yeah, yeah, that's my last name.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what do you want from me?
Speaker 2:I'm killing it right now. I'm the man. Yeah, I was like, okay. Well, yeah, it's one of those things where it's like they laugh, they're laughing, you're like, oh, but they're not Nothing like an insane person.
Speaker 1:It's not from your merit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like a bus stop and they see like a piece of paper. Yeah, it's not from your merit. Yeah, like a bus stop and they see a piece of paper, yeah.
Speaker 1:Or when my wife sees a CrossFit shirt that says like this is my upside-down handstand shirt, it's upside down. She's like these are hilarious. This is the funniest shirt yeah, like the Oregon Trail. And it says you died from burpees. Yeah, but my jokes. She's like's like nah, you need to work harder. No, those aren't good. So I did enjoy walking in and seeing the local scene here, ready to work, like they're all here. They're all standing at the bar, which I think is fine. Yeah, it's just like the. It's like a tiered seating, and they're just upstairs watching it from the balcony. Yeah, you got the TVs. You know that's what they're for, right? Yeah, they can't be. What are you guys watching it? On that thing, I provide you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and they're drinking beer and liquor and everybody's having a good time, so that was really nice to see.
Speaker 1:Everybody's having a good time, so that was really nice to see. I like that a lot. Yeah, I like to see people here doing comedy. That's why it's here. That's why it's here. Without them, we don't have it.
Speaker 2:No, there's nothing.
Speaker 1:And it's just a sad, another sad building in North Charleston.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we just have those two ladies. Yeah, yeah, a little emphysemic with the laugh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you walk into any Walmart right now across this country and they're there, you'll hear that laugh and you'll see them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're there. They'll be on a scooter Racing each other.
Speaker 1:Why is this scooter we should go faster Complaining about how they're not taking their double coupon at the register.
Speaker 2:Ma'am, this is from 1996, and it's for a Kmart.
Speaker 1:What the fuck does that mean? What are you saying? Are you saying I'm fucking poor?
Speaker 2:No, I'm saying you're stupid, but it wouldn't surprise me if you're poor.
Speaker 1:Terrorists are off the table, baby.
Speaker 2:The market reacted positively. Oh yeah, they got their money back, almost Not all the way yet, but no pretty close yeah, I don't know, uh, what a tariff is and that was a running back for the dolphins, but yeah, his name's uh august tariff. It's upsetting a lot of people and it's doing things to the market and people seem upset and then other people say this is fine and other people say this is stupid and I go, I don't, I'm just trying to figure out how to make a chair all right.
Speaker 1:Well, hopefully you can keep making them at a decent price yeah, I'm well, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I'm uh, I I believe I don't like exotic woods. I don't want imported wood and stuff like that you know.
Speaker 1:you don't think it's going to affect the American wood. It hasn't.
Speaker 2:Although I spoke, I spoke to my. I spoke with my distributor bag in March and they said, yeah, plywood is going to go up by 6%. And I said why, okay, well, I was like, what about the domestic stuff? I only get the domestic stuff. It's made in Greensboro, north Carolina, yeah. And he said, yeah, that's going up too. And I was like, why? And he just said tariffs, yeah, I mean, I was like what does that mean?
Speaker 1:It's like the butterfly effect. It all affects, it touches everything, yeah. One tariff. It's like the pebble in the lake and the ripples and it affects. A good example is, um, you know, meta, who does not do any working in china. They're gonna get slammed hard because a lot of these companies that are foreign are going to uh roll back a lot of their advertising dollars I keep for I keep forgetting that there's like an indian facebook and all that and there's advertisers on that, you know yeah.
Speaker 1:But even then, like the you know Sony's and the, you know, the key is they're going to do less advertising on meta, which now, hey, we've just lost 25%, 30% of our you know advertising revenue. Now we're going to have to cut some people, you know I mean. So it's the same thing with wood. Yeah, that's why we got to start cutting our own wood, dan.
Speaker 2:To an extent. Look, I'm in contact with arborists and I try and get, I like, locally sourced wood that's taken from a tree that had to get taken down and then you bring it to a mill, you think arborists get annoyed by you woodworkers.
Speaker 2:Not at all. I think they respect the fact that we appreciate the wood and we want to give it new life, as opposed to just mulching it Like that. Like Steve Buscemi in Fargo, he got mulched, he got mulched hard mulched, real bad. So, yeah, I, I'm, I, you know, I don't know, but I like I it's. It is an interesting thing, cause as a like a guy who's trying to make custom furniture and not and move away from just making uninspired boxes all the time, there's this, there's really nice furniture on the internet and it's like you know, on wayfair and stuff like and it's like 800 bucks and they're like it's made from teak and I'm like how? And the reason it is is because it's produced. The teak is free labor. Well, the teak is pretty much harvested by children, yeah, and then it's made in a factory where they get paid in shoelaces and buttons and then it's put on a ship and then it's sold with pretty much yeah.
Speaker 2:So there's a website I got to find you it's indentured servitude, indentured servants, essentially make it in another country to keep the price so, and then give it to a corporation, and then the corporation.
Speaker 1:They buy a million of them, so they get them at a really good price, yeah, which you can't do either, so you're double fucked.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, yeah, I mean that that sucks but that's capitalism, baby, you got to figure out a way around it. Ask me if I have.
Speaker 1:Have you.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's just, it is what it is. It's fine. I just, you know, waking up and having a lot less money than you did the day before because one man made this decision. Like the other times we've gone into recession or even lately, bear market has been from a, you know, an event or a catastrophe, not a person just making the decision to do it.
Speaker 2:Yes, well, someone categorized this presidency as that.
Speaker 1:True, and he did say in his first term that the reason why he didn't do the tariffs then and that's this. He didn't do the tariffs then and he said this then, not now, but he said it. Then. He said I will have so many people against me, I won't be able to win the second term. So now that he's a lame duck, he's like okay, now I can do it. Now I can do what I've been talking about since the 70s. But does he?
Speaker 2:want to crash the country. The thing that I never like is the cult of personality with billionaires. It weirds me out. It's like the right hates George Soros and George Soros as a betting man. He's probably not a great guy, but then they're like but elon's cool and I'm like the guy. It's the same people who are like the government wants to microchip you, but I love elon. It's like he's the guy making the microchips and getting all the data like he.
Speaker 1:We've glorified all oligarchs in this country, as you and, in a way, you.
Speaker 2:It's not like you should.
Speaker 1:They're just rich and the dangers of being um. That's all they are, they're just rich, which is fascinating.
Speaker 2:To accrue that much wealth. That is fascinating, that is interesting, but it's also boring.
Speaker 1:Well when you're the you know industrialized, capitalistic country that we are. Of course we idolize the ones that succeeded Living in America. Yeah, I mean, we look at them like oh, wow, and then especially him, because it's a little, it's not boring, it's not like he's in hedge funds, it's that he has these really interesting, oh Mike.
Speaker 2:Rockets, mike Rockets, mike Rockets. Yeah, they're really cool. His dad's been going on podcasts like shitting on him yeah, he's not very, yeah.
Speaker 1:And then his man, his ex-wife. There's a lot to say about him too, does she? Oh, yeah, nice, yeah, he's a big turd apparently. But you know, I don't know, I don't, I don't. I know a couple of guys that are assholes and they only make like 40 grand a year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, you know, assholes come in all shapes and sizes, they do yeah, and I sort of just kind of succumb to the fact that, like, I'm just in an ocean of people and the tide is going whichever way it is yeah, you know, ocean of people and I, the tide is going whichever way it is. Yeah, you know, you just try and ride the wave as best you can and not get pulled under by all of it.
Speaker 1:yeah, you want to be aware, you want to see what's going on and you know, the older I get, the more interested I am in local elections and local politics, because those are ones that do affect you here, for example, with our liquor liability, that really affects us. Talking to people making connections is a much better understanding of what's going on.
Speaker 2:Whose pocket do I got of grease.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, it got really bad, dude. It got bad to where? So the Republicans and the Democrats is a bipartisan issue to fix this liquor liability in South Carolina. Yeah, okay, so the bill got written. Everyone was pretty behind it.
Speaker 2:Was this now the liquor liability? Yeah, was this, because people were getting shit-faced and driving into things and people.
Speaker 1:So six years ago there was a cop that was on a side of the road that was working on a case and got hit by a drunk driver. That drunk driver and the way the insurance worked out they didn't get as much money as they believed they deserved.
Speaker 2:He's working on a case.
Speaker 1:Like he had pulled someone over.
Speaker 2:Oh, he wasn't like a detective being like. This is where the body was. No, no, no.
Speaker 1:Okay, and so they came up with a concept that not only does every company that sells alcohol after 5 pm has to have a minimum of a million-dollar policy. And then not only that, but if you go to a bar, you're drunk, you go to three bars. You go home, you hit it on your way home, you hit somebody trifecta. Those bars are all equally. You can get a million dollars from each one, even if one is only at one percent fault. If you're at one percent fault, you're at a hundred percent financial obligation, which is the dumbest thing on the planet. So what happened was all these personal injury lawyers. That retards growth, that's. And they work in the state house yeah, that's every.
Speaker 2:That's the thing every single I want. We watch the local news. Yeah, 90 of the advertisements are these personal injuries, personal injuries. So, oh, shelly leak. So, george sink with they run the state floppy skeleton hands.
Speaker 1:They run the state, they're in the off, they're in the state house, yeah. And so when these bills came across their table, they were like fuck. We have to say we're all about small business and keeping them open, but and hold on, let me go back. So liquor liability. When they changed that law, liquor used to cost $6,000 a year for insurance. Wow, now today we had to pay, to open this place, $88,000 for one year of liquor liability insurance. Cheese and crackers. So that's the nut. That's your profit margin right there, that's gone the nut. That's your profit margin right there, that's gone. So a lot. There's been over 160 different mom and pop, uh, bars and restaurants that have closed in the last year because of this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, fuck this, I'm not dealing with this so back to the original part, where these guys work in the state house. They have to look like they're pro small business. This bill is a no-nonsense bill, but they don't want it to pass because if it does, they're not going to be fucking raking in the dough as they are right now. Business is a booming, so they made it sound.
Speaker 1:They paid donald trump jr to tweet about it and start this whole thing about how this Republican was really a Rhino and he was doing this and all this would do is bring in big insurance companies into the Charles, into South Carolina, and corrupt our system. What? And that he was getting money kickbacks from these insurance companies. And so even people that were pro-changing this bill were like, oh well, we don't want big insurance here, and as a businessman, I do want big insurance here. I want them all competing for my insurance. Right now, there's three insurance companies that do all of south carolina and they can make you pay whatever they want you to pay yeah, the market isn't as competitive as it could be no, because all of the other places backed out, because it's ridiculous.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's whatever. So that kind of shit means things to me. The national level transports is a. Is a. What is that? A MacGuffin? No, what's that word called MacGyver? No, no, no, it's a MacGuffin. I think it's a imaginary thing Everyone's chasing that doesn't exist. Oh, I don't.
Speaker 2:I've never even heard of a phrase. I thought that was an Irish bar that closed down.
Speaker 1:You know MacGuffins. Yeah, macguffins Come down to MacGuffins.
Speaker 2:Come down to MacGuffins, I'll give you some bread.
Speaker 1:But Some beer. That to me, is a distraction to local shit. Yeah, you know what's going on with these mayors and governors and solicitors. I didn't think that was important in my 20s and 30s. I'm all about man. It's all about social issues, bro.
Speaker 2:No, social issues don't matter.
Speaker 1:They're always going to swing left and right every couple of years and really it just those things.
Speaker 2:just they just dictate how you talk every day. It really doesn't do a whole lot.
Speaker 1:And I've been left my whole life. But this one thing that has started teetering me more central is it is there's a pendulum and there's a reason like we, the the liberal, the democratic party, needs republicans because if not, we go way too left. Yeah, like it brings the idea and the philosophy from our forefathers. You know why you have multiple parties is it keeps everything kind of in the middle. That's what it's supposed to, that's what it's supposed to do.
Speaker 2:Now, sometimes it goes extremes, but no, you just hear the extremes really. And then there's extreme places and States, but most of the country it's like the extreme abortion people and then the extreme trans and drag show place, but it's all.
Speaker 1:but see they were sneaky, so, like during the obama administration. Sneaky snakes, yeah, the sneaky snakes like, especially with abortion. They were starting to put money into that and doing ground work with that. And gerrymandering during obama with the idea of, hey, in 10 years, 15 years, we're going to strike. We'll have enough traction to make this happen. Because it's weird, all of these abortion laws are becoming laws and they're getting crazier and crazier. Yet if you pull the national, the people yeah, 54 percent of people are okay with abortions. Yeah, and then the number's even higher for, like, early, very early term abortions. Yeah, it's very high, but yet those aren't the people. That's why I, as a democracy, when someone represents you, if I was a representative of a district, I'm the voice of those people. I should be listening to what they want and then going up to DC saying, hey, this is what the vote is of my people from my district.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Like that's not what it's, like it's never been it hasn't been that since companies and lobbies and all that got involved.
Speaker 1:Like the Roman Roman Empire, probably yeah it's never.
Speaker 2:It hasn't been like that since we were mostly an agrarian nation and everything was carried by horseback and we all ate soup and gruel by candle and I mean, yeah, it's just not, it's not going to be like that. Yeah, I don't know, I don't, I don't care. In a way I don't, I do and I don't care.
Speaker 1:In a way I don't, I do and I don't I think you don't care until it's in your face or it really affects you, and then you go what the f-? Why didn't someone-? What the fuck is going on?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I don't know That'd have to be-. Abortion has been a contentious issue my entire life, our entire-. Yeah, absolutely so it's not a new thing. The whole thing where you know it's like which side he won. I'm so tired of that conversation because I I thought we were over it yeah, I'm not doing anything about it.
Speaker 1:I thought as a country, like we were, done, I'm not marching and I'm naive, not a marcher.
Speaker 2:Most of the country's not marching for things. They're like 10,000 people showed up for the march.
Speaker 1:But the abortion thing, I think will matter to you when your daughter gets of age, right, because the idea, even if she's not promiscuous or doing whatever, she's not out there having sex yeah, but she's 16. And the idea that you live in a state, that the state is going to dictate what the decision is between you and your family with your daughter if she's going to keep that kid yeah, it's dumb for sure you guys are going to go through one of the largest things in your life as a family the state's involved and the state's like also in the room.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's not okay For sure, and to me that's the most Republican thing ever to go. Stay out of this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, it's a. It's a it's because it's a religious thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah exactly, and that thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I have a daughter and I totally think you know she should be able to have autonomy over her body. Um, yeah, and in that situation the situation that you're talking about because we're talking about my grownup daughter and abortion things have had to have happened before that that are also not as enjoyable to think about.
Speaker 1:But see, like you're totally right and I think what's interesting is, like I say, it's getting older and having these issues, because now I'm thinking about them and a lot of the things I've ever actually stood up for have been very local and it's been because of my kids. A good example of this is at Pinewood Preparatory School. They have their uniform guide. Like you get the guide at the beginning of the year, yeah, it's all the rules and the you know, whatever. And so we just perused it one night and and I saw this and I was like janna, you got to take a look at this. I was like I'm being nitpicky here. So I had boys and I had girls uniform guidelines. Yeah, in the girls it says you can't be, you can't wear things tight fitting and and no in in a roundabout way.
Speaker 1:It's like don't dress like a whore, don't dress like a whore, yeah but yet it was for women only, like it was in a paragraph for all of them, yeah. And then it said for women yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What about men? What about them? Well, they can. They can wear skin tight clothes. I, I think the that's not, as that's just as distracting as a chick showing her tits. If a guy's wearing super tight pants and you can see his, dick.
Speaker 2:I think the rest of the boys will take care of that young tight parent wearing fella in high school or school or whatever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, especially Pinewood in the middle of the fucking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree, yeah, I mean, yeah, sure, it's backwards.
Speaker 1:It's backwards, and so we had asked Pinewood. We said hey, because they asked for feedback. Uh-huh, we said hey, you asked for feedback. Why don't you just put that? Why don't you just take out four ladies? Yeah, and this just applies to everyone. Yeah, not everybody can wear tight things, and that's always a problem too, because there are girls that dress like whores, putting them aside. There are large-chested women, women that have bodies. Do you remember?
Speaker 2:class, like in high school. Yeah, there was a girl who always sat in front of me and she would lean forward, you know, and her thong.
Speaker 1:Oh, the thong. They all wore thongs in high school. I was like, wow, yeah, that was like the highlight of the day. You would just wait for it.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, I was like chemistry is going to be awesome today and my balls are going to hurt later because I'm going to be bricked up and I can't do anything.
Speaker 1:Did you get random boners in school? Yeah, I didn't really.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I wonder why Never had wet dreams either. No, it's been a minute since I had a wet dream. Never had one never, I mean, maybe I didn't it dried up or something before I knew yeah, you ever nutted in a dream maybe yeah, I mean you know, yeah, no, I have I have first wet dream I had.
Speaker 2:I got uh blown by a mermaid.
Speaker 1:Underwater or was it above water? It was above water On the beach. No, it was a pool. Okay, yeah, a little pool, mermaid.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was pretty cool. How old were you? I must have been a young teen at the time. Yeah, it was probably Little Danny. I woke up. I was like oh oh Sitting. Yeah, it was probably Little Danny. I woke up.
Speaker 1:I was like, oh, sitting by the pool, oh, that's cool.
Speaker 2:And she's like hey, danny, you're like whoa, hey, mermaid, it is that time of your life where you're like I'm on my own, it's the beginning of your sort of frontier. Yeah, like you have like your little wagon and cast iron skillet. When you start just jizzing as a young boy, you're like I'm figuring this life thing out and I'm out of my own sort of wilderness right now. You know, and you're sort of localized, but you're going to go further and further out with it and you don't know where it's going to take you. But you're excited. You know there's gold over in them hills.
Speaker 1:you know the human race is crazy. Just the idea that, like there's two, you know sexes and you have this one sex that, like when they hit puberty, their penis, there's an appendage on their body that just feels really good when you rub it and simulate sex, yeah, and their whole life. You choke it till it pukes. That's all you do. You choke, yeah, you sit there and you you simulate intercourse, uh-huh, and the roundabout way with your hand, yeah, with your hand or with you know whatever, you got high or a small dog, yeah, um. So you simulate the sex by most of the time by watching others in the wild fucking, yeah, and that turns you on, and then you start touching yourself and simulating yourself. It's just funny that, like our whole life, now that we know how good that feels, the sensation that just goes into our body is the driving force of the rest of our life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the sensation feels so good, you'll ruin your life for it.
Speaker 1:I mean, people have been murdered, massacre, wars have started, they've gone to jail, all because of the families. It's all dick. It's all because of the dick.
Speaker 2:I just think of. I think how much you would get done if you helen of troye yeah, it's like that seinfeld for george. He's just like I'm done having sex, and then he becomes a genius.
Speaker 1:He's reading and he's memorizing things and he's like he's is that the problem is that the big difference between us and women, because it doesn't drive their life, they're kind of better than we are. Uh, I mean not at basketball or baseball or you know any type of sport throwing, running, yeah, um, uh, mentally they're, they're kind of inferior well, they're just smarter about it because they have, they are, they're more successful they have be.
Speaker 2:They're not more successful at all.
Speaker 1:The only reason they're not is because they're at home raising kids as a sex.
Speaker 2:No, because they have the power, and men created a world of power made by men. And then we built a whole world around them, dan.
Speaker 1:you literally just said we live with these ladies and we just get pounded every day.
Speaker 1:So what we did? We created this imaginary world out in the backyard and started building these corporations and we were like, hey, we're going to go do that all day so we can give you the things that you need that you've been bitching about, of course. So I'm gonna go there. And then there's other men. They're like oh, how do you do? How do you do, yeah. And then there had to be order, like okay, you're in charge. And then you're in charge of that guy. Who's in charge? Yeah, you created the structure. And then women came over and they're like hey, what are you guys doing? You're like nothing, get out of here. Bitch, yeah. And they would leave here. Hey, am I right? And then you, that was close.
Speaker 2:But then what happened was is that men we came back and then your neighbor has a bigger home because he's higher on the structure. Yeah, and your whole thing, your lady's like what is that about? And you're like, wow, he's, he's out working me and yeah, he's a widget number three yeah, and I'm widget number 50 and she's like well, that's bullshit.
Speaker 2:And then she and he's older. But and your wife's young and you're younger. You're like, maybe one day I'll get here. And your wife wife's like yeah, I don't like you, you suck. And then she sleeps with him and destroys that fam and he ruins his family because he's like that younger pussy will feel better on my dick.
Speaker 1:And then he goes on a little vacation to Las Vegas where they gamble their money that they're supposed to be giving women, and then he uh rents, uh uh, an apartment there yeah on the 35th floor and then he starts shooting down at a concert to the other people that work at our little corporations.
Speaker 1:No, but listen. Women came and they're like, hey, what are you guys doing in there? We're like, leave us alone. And we suppressed them for so long, to the point we didn't let them vote in our make-believe power thing of men yeah and then someone let them in and then now they're home and they're at our suffrage and our secret club yeah, and you're just trying to have a secret club well, it's so funny because it's like whenever you hear and now they're doing.
Speaker 1:They're now we we had golf, dan, we had fishing. Now you go on tiktok. You just see girls with big tits fishing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, at least that's the tiktok I'm seeing yeah, there was one where it was like this chick in florida and she, she was always like cutting wood but in like tight yoga pants, yeah, and her nipples, yeah.
Speaker 1:Her heart is fucking, is fucking diamonds and I'm like good Lord, oh, she's beautiful.
Speaker 2:My wife comes over. She's like what are you looking at? I'm like woodworking. Stop Go away.
Speaker 1:Go away. Did you see that girl I told you about? She did? It's called catfish noodling. No yeah, she goes underwater and she gets these huge catfish and she's wearing like a really tight bra, so cool bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're done. Change your life, we're doomed. It is interesting that we allowed women to vote about what? 100 years ago, yeah, and now donald trump's president, yeah, and look what happened and this is the thing they'll go. We had nothing to do with it.
Speaker 1:They did. The majority of women voted for him. So there you go. The college educated women didn't, but the rest of women did.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the smart ones who don't believe in education and raise their families right. All they need is Jesus and Salisbury steak.
Speaker 1:But, dan, we don't have anything Because even after the women have taken over corporations, because they're going to, they're going to have that and they're going to have, you know, be in charge of the house and the corporate world. So we've tried to create these other things to get away, and now they've kind of taken over those. All we have left is the NBA. That's going to be our last stand in football. Now you got the women referees, now the girls are starting to kick field goals and shit.
Speaker 2:It's going to. This is what's going to happen, is there's going to be a rough play. They come barreling into the woman referee and her bird bones Aren't going to be able to take it.
Speaker 1:And then, there's going to be a national tragedy. I, yeah, I swear to die on the field yeah, tough, I swear. To die on the field yeah, tough, tackle goes right into the referee and something the president comes on TV and he's like today has been a horrible day in history. We will never let women be in sports again yeah, that's what's going to happen.
Speaker 2:I don't think so.
Speaker 1:I don't think that's going to happen well, it's four years, give it time. I think women are going to figure. You know like we're worried about AI and like how they're getting smarter and they're talking to themselves and shit. But this is the thing. Women are doing, that, but they get real jealous. Oh, they hate each other. That's the problem.
Speaker 2:They can't bind together.
Speaker 1:You're right. They can't. You're right, they can't build like Washington's army.
Speaker 2:It's incredible how women are friends with one another and hate each other, and absolutely hate them. Yeah, you're right, that's the one thing, because each woman has the potential for their own little universe they can create. They don't have to get married and they should just have nine kids. They just can make nine kids. They can make nine horrible decisions and then all of a sudden, they have their own. But men, we can't do that. A woman is just, she's a little gated community unto herself, and that's an immense amount of power. It is, and thank God they are not stronger than us, because that's all we have. That's God's design. Not stronger than us? Well, I think that's that's all we have.
Speaker 1:That's God's design, Because God was like we would be.
Speaker 2:That would be so mean. That wouldn't work, that'd be terrible.
Speaker 1:Well, that's why the lion that works, because he's bigger. Yeah, he doesn't do anything, he's not even really stronger, but he is bigger. Well, I. So if the lioness tried to take him out, they wouldn't be able to.
Speaker 2:We've tied this discussion. I don't know if this is a bit or not, but it's the thank God I could kick the shit out of my wife. Yeah, I don't, I don't. Thank God, I could do it. That's all I have. It's all I have, because if that's all I have, it's all I have, because if she could kick the shit out of me, she would, oh, every day.
Speaker 1:Men just figured out not to beat our wives, yeah in, like the 50s or 60s we haven't had it for a long time enough.
Speaker 2:People were like you know, this is like a not a fair fight, and even then, women would never.
Speaker 1:They would just immediately start beating the shit out of us all the time.
Speaker 2:All they would love it, they would absolutely, but they can't, so they have to figure out other ways to it's their to trick you opposable thumb of like the whole monkeys and humans.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's it. All we have is strength.
Speaker 2:That's the difference between and she'll still make me do things I don't want to do with her mind. She won't do it with. It's not what. Is she going to stand over me and beat me up? No, even little things. But the other night I came home from a long day at work. Yeah, all right, I'm up, I'm up, I'm in the shop at seven, I'm back home at five. Yeah, I didn't even take a lunch that day. Yeah, come home, eat dinner. And I've been told, if I don't, you know you got to be grateful for you got to give your sort of your penance for dinner and everything like that.
Speaker 2:You got to let them know. Thank you so much for the dinner that my grandfather just expected and was given. I thank you for that. Thank you for doing that. That's amazing. And then you know I go and we, I clean up the kitchen and everything like that. And then I go and I help put the baby um, we're giving the baby a bath, which I love because she smiles and she's splashing around and she's having a good time.
Speaker 2:And then she looks at me, my wife looks at me, so it's 745. At this point. She goes I need you to, uh, dig some holes for me. And I was like what? I've already taken a shower and everything. She was like, yeah, we need to plant some plants. They came in and I need to plant them today. I need to plant them today because I just realized they're going to die. And I was like okay, and I was like how many? And she was like 25. So at eight o'clock I'm going to have to start digging 25 holes. And I was like you gotta be fucking kidding me. And then she goes and you gotta clean up the fence that just got destroyed by a tree. You need to do all of that Time's ticking by a tree.
Speaker 1:You need to do all of that. Time's ticking Go After. That whole day just happened.
Speaker 2:And I've showered, I've eaten dinner and I went and did it and do you know what she did for me? She gave me sex and I forgot all about it and that was totally worth it. That was really cool. That's it. She gave me the sex and I do the chores.
Speaker 1:My wife has trained me in a lot of ways that, like there's things I wouldn't do because I fear her, yeah, I do them, like recycling some certain things. I make sure I do it because she'll see it in the garbage. I'll forget that and she'd go. Yeah, I'd hear it I just don't want to deal with it. I don't want to deal with it. Yeah, so she's trained me to be like responsible in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I know I'm gonna hear about it those japanese pilots who flew their planes into pearl harbor, yeah. And those saudi terrorists, yeah, who flew the planes in the nine 11. That's because their wives were so annoying. They were like I'm going to give my life for my country and cause. Yeah, I don't have to hear it anymore, but you kind of get it.
Speaker 1:Totally, I totally get it. Are we sympathizing with the nine 11?
Speaker 2:I think we are what I am sympathizing with is an aspect of Sharia law where I go.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, well, it's like the whole, totally the women thing, like I believe you. You know, it's like I believe you, yeah, I believe you. Yeah, I'm not saying no me, no, yeah, but I, I get it. I could see how someone else would get it, I believe you. Yeah, hi Tim, hey Tim.
Speaker 2:Bye Tim, bye Tim. And he's evolved out of that. He's figured a way out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so certain men have gone. This is what some men have done. So some men, you know, have killed themselves. Some men have joined, you know, a relationship with God and joined the church. Yes, literally these extremes, yeah, and now it's gotten so bad, especially in the 80s. Yeah, it got so bad. Some guys, you know what, come and fuck me in the ass with that dick you got, because I would rather do that and be in these relationships, these relationships of sin, just taking dicks on different nights.
Speaker 2:Yeah, different ones, multiple ones you know you're going to hell for that right. You're like, yeah, but I do. I have to deal with these harpies anymore. Yeah, no.
Speaker 1:But guess what I don't have to deal with, and that's why there's gay bashers.
Speaker 2:Uh-huh, because they're jealous, they're just jealous. They're like oh you figured it out and I'm still angry that I can't do it yeah, yeah, kind of like abortions, I think.
Speaker 1:People that are pro-choice, it's the same thing. Yeah, so you bitch, you think you fucking. Oh, you still have a college and figured it out I am stoned.
Speaker 2:Can I tell you something that's really interesting that I read today?
Speaker 1:yeah, because we just we sound like horrible bigots right now. This is great not at all.
Speaker 2:First of all, if you're offended, okay I mean, don't be who, but yeah, it's weird to be offended. Nobody gives a shit.
Speaker 1:Nobody gives a shit about what we're saying, we're just saying things.
Speaker 2:And then people literally are dropping bombs on other people and doing all we're not doing that no, in the grand scheme of things, we're just telling you the truth and how it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Would you rather this, or you know?
Speaker 2:I'm going to tell you about a human, syria. His name was Ilya Ilyan Yanovich and I a Russian fella, and in the 1920s he became obsessed with breeding a chimpanzee with a human being. This is the 20s, and he had the backing of the Russian government at the time. Okay, they were pretty much like okay, yeah, you can do it, we support you, but we're not supporting you. Yeah, but if you do it, whatever you know, it's not sanctioned.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so he was sneaking around with his son making a monkey man, trying to make a a monkey human, because his dad had figured out, uh, artificial insemination. So he got jizz from this guy and he wouldn't say who the guy was. He was just like, he wasn't married and he was under 30 years old. That's all we know.
Speaker 2:But he got jizz from this guy milk that guy every night and he would sneak into these 1920s russian bio labs and like squirt male sperm human male sperm up into these chimpanzee twats. Yeah, and it kept failing and it kept failing, but he kept trying, and the french government also. That's what it's about. The french government, though, also heard about this, and we're like we will get involved. That sounds russian, oh yeah, no, that sounds wonderful.
Speaker 1:Put the sperm in the monkey pussy the night, so they're in on this.
Speaker 2:He's's like I will take the sperm, put it in monkey.
Speaker 2:So this is where, like Russia, and France, secretly were they were working together to make a chimpanzee human monkey man monkey man Exactly, it kept failing, though he knew he was like I have to do this at least six times before this will yield any results. So he just kept trying to shove jizz up into this monkey, yeah, and. And then in the how was he doing it by hand? No, well, I think like a medical way his father had figured out artificial insemination, which is crazy because how does?
Speaker 2:he say it's just a russian guy sitting around and being like what if I take the stuff I just shot into my own hand because my wife's a cunt and she wouldn't fuck me and put it in a tube and then just injected it into any figured out artificial insemination. That's how that happened. He fucked a goat, yeah, and he was like what if I just didn't have to put my dick in this and I just put it in with a beaker? All right, so anyway, back to. So he goes so pretty much. And then stalin takes power and he purges and he gets arrested and he gets put into a camp for two years. But then he gets released to make monkey man and he resumes.
Speaker 2:He became, he was obsessed. He was like I need this. Is Stalin, was no, this Ilyan Yanovich. He was like I'm, this is what my life is, yeah. He was like I'm cold, I'm so Russian, but I need to make the monkey man, yeah, and. But I need to make the monkey man, yeah. And so he put he's like all right, so obviously it's to be a Hollywood movie. He's like obviously it didn't work, taking male sperm and putting it into a female chimpanzee. He's like do I need to flip it. The only way this is going to work is if I uh take male sperm, male monkey sperm, and put it into a human woman.
Speaker 2:And so sperm, male monkey sperm, and put it into a human woman. And so he starts off by going to the congo, yeah, and he's like, he like reaches out and he's like, hey, do you guys have like a woman I could have so I could put monkey sperm? And this was in the 20s, yeah, this. Well, now this is like the 40s, okay, so it's still, you know, 40s in the congo and russia, yeah, and the congolese at the time god bless them were like fuck, no, and really, and he wrote in his journals, he was like these backwards people, they won't let me put monkey sperm in one of their women. This is insane. He was like offended, he was like how dare they? They are against progress by not letting me put chimpanzee jizz.
Speaker 2:The final answer to monkey, and so he put out like an ad, like a classified ad About.
Speaker 1:Congo.
Speaker 2:No, in like a Russian newspaper and shockingly he found like a bunch of women wrote back and they were like yeah, my life has no meaning, I'll do this and stuff like that. So then he procures an orangutan, yeah, and he's like I, I'm gonna make this happen.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's oh like, yeah, chim's not gonna work, but I yeah.
Speaker 2:So he's like I'll get her. It's like the chimpanzee, whatever thing, it's like that's one big family and so he's kicking him out of bed. So this woman's coming from like a village to then, you know, have sex, I'm assuming, or just get you know have sex, I'm assuming, or just get you know a beaker full of orangutan jizz shoved up in her, and while they're waiting, the orangutan has a brain hemorrhage and dies, and shortly after he died.
Speaker 1:So it never happened, but I found that really interesting just stop, just leave it right there, just leave, like don't, don't give it more one or two things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm either really high and that was the greatest story I've ever heard yeah, it's a good one or two.
Speaker 1:That was horrible and it made no sense.
Speaker 2:It's one of those I was telling you about this piece of history I learned about today ilian yanovich where did you hear about this?
Speaker 1:this isn't a book no, that was maybe like a flyer that just flew by and you were like, oh, a piece of trash. And you looked up and it was a yeah, it was a story. Have you heard the?
Speaker 2:tale of Il-Yon yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you just stood there on the sidewalk and read the whole story.
Speaker 2:My father. He discovered artificial insemination. I want, I want to take that process and put monkey and human together. Monkey man. Monkey man. I want this movie Like. I don't want it to be like a cheesy spoof because this isn't.
Speaker 1:No, it needs to be a drama. I want it to be a Scorsese film.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like a waiting for Godot. Bleak Dostoevsky kind of Russian.
Speaker 1:Just, and we have to get the most serious actors with British accents.
Speaker 2:Yes, play the Russians.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But the reason this came out was because the Soviet union collapsed and all of their files came out, and so sure you know, we had guys in Langley reading like. They're like Holy shit, you hear about this guy Ilyan, he's trying to get monkeys.
Speaker 1:And that's how the movie starts, and then it all flashes back. Yeah, it goes to, and you learn about his grandfather when he was a little boy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's wiping goat shit off his dick. He's like there's got to be a. There must be a better way.
Speaker 1:He's like Papa Papa.
Speaker 2:What Ilyan?
Speaker 1:Look at what I made and it's like this little wooden toy and it's a monkey, but it's a boy, yeah.
Speaker 2:What is that abomination?
Speaker 1:It's monkey boy, Dada.
Speaker 2:Take it away.
Speaker 1:I don't want to see it. No Dada, one day you'll see, I'll make monkey man.
Speaker 2:Do you see how much goat shit I have on my dick, Ilion?
Speaker 1:Oh, that is much more than normal, father.
Speaker 2:There is a better way.
Speaker 1:And then, ten years later, he's in high school, he has his little backpack and has a monkey on it and someone walks by. Hey, idiot, look at your stupid backpack With monkey, with monkey, stupid monkey. Oh man, just leave me alone, okay, guys.
Speaker 2:You stupid, stupid retard.
Speaker 1:Oh, and then travels further. He's in college now.
Speaker 2:How do I get to these monkey?
Speaker 1:Hey, you wanna come out here and get blown by me and my three sisters?
Speaker 2:I'm doing important research right now. Okay you're lost. I'm going to make a monkey man, make a monkey fuck human and make a monkey man, and then Soviet Union will take over the world.
Speaker 1:You're a little weird.
Speaker 2:He had a son. His son was helping him in these escapades. So some woman was, hey, what's Ilyan doing? All the time he's got all these glass jars and stuff. He's trying to get a monkey and a human to fucking. That'll save the empire. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. His dad was tough on him. He did a lot of weird stuff with goats in the Russian countryside.
Speaker 2:But now he's the most important man in the world well, yeah, I mean, that's the really interesting thing is you could have really like smart people. That's the funny thing about the human imagination is in this society and it's all I feel like it's always men who are just like they. We're in this world we've created and we're like what if we put part of me in another animal? And then maybe we're figuring out ways to make more people without women. That's what a select group of the government's doing. They're like what if we just didn't have to have women?
Speaker 1:anymore, dude. That's why God gave us Audis instead of Innies. Because if we just didn't have to have women anymore, dude, that's why God gave us Audis instead of Innys. Yeah, because if we were the ones with the Inns, we would just kill ourselves. Shut things up there, we would. We can't hold that responsibility.
Speaker 2:No, with great power comes great responsibility.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like there's a lot of responsible things you have to do to have a vagina.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah. Guys, you just don't put shampoo or toothpaste on your dick. Yeah, they're like don't jerk off with kerosene or stuff like that, you'll be okay. And even then we don't.
Speaker 1:You know we fail at that so I've heard online, like on youtube, there's been rumbling, yeah, like there's been an uptick. I've seen in videos of not the Sasquatch community but the monkey man legend, ah, and I know since this happened, you know, back in the 40s, like chimeras Like human hybrid animal things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so.
Speaker 1:It's definitely happened. So, but that's what I'm trying to get at is if this happened in the 40s and maybe one monkey man did make it, or two, and then they started mating, if the legend's true.
Speaker 2:Oh for sure, yeah, they escaped. You saw what happened with the monkeys up in Yemesee over the summer. Right, when was that? Was it the winter, summer?
Speaker 1:It was winter, because I think one died frozen to death or some shit. Dude, that's so dope, dude, that was the coolest thing that's ever happened here. Yeah, I mean, this was I mean prime.
Speaker 2:That was pretty cool, Probably the coolest thing that happened. Freedom State yeah, I mean they were was pretty cool. It's probably the coolest thing that happened the freedom state.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, they were against it twice. Yeah, revolutionary war. They were like when the you know we signed a declaration of independence first time, we said no, nah, yeah, south Carolina voted against it don't really sit right with me we, we don't mind being british. Being british is cool. King george ain't done shit on me, man, he fine, he fucks his family, ain't no big deal, yeah. And then south carolina they started the civil war, more or less bitches.
Speaker 2:I'll dive deeper into this about the monkey man yeah, well, just human animal hybrids. I think this is something we definitely need to dive deeper into and uncover the truth. It's definitely happening in China, 100% that's where it all started.
Speaker 1:Mongolia and China Are you talking about the experiments?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm talking about the experiments. What are you talking?
Speaker 1:about.
Speaker 2:You're like why do you think they're called Mongoloids? No, the Yeti, oh it was the Yeti Monkey man. Is the Yeti Chinese. Oh, I'm the. Yeti yeah oh you know, my Uncle Sasquatch Is the Yeti Chinese.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm the Yeti. Yeah, oh, you know my uncle Sasquatch. He a faggot, he a big piece of shit. That's what they call him there. In the god damn In Mexico, they have their fucking. I don't even know what they call him Chupacabra or some fucking Gay shit. In the goddamn in Mexico, they have their fucking. I don't even know what they call them Chupacabra or some fucking gay shit. You got Bigfoot and Sasquatch, I think. The Indian fucking the fucking bow throwers, fucking knife chuckers. They call them fucking Sasquatch, fucking white people call them Bigfoot. No, it originated in China. We're fucking Yeti, motherfucker Yeti. Did the Yeti originate in China? Yeah, well, actually Mongolia, so it was more of Mongolia.
Speaker 2:I'm a Yeti. It's Japanese. I'm a Yeti, I'm a yeti. It's Japanese A yeti, I'm a yeti.
Speaker 1:Show them Japanese man A yeti, I take over Shanghai. Shanghai yeti.
Speaker 2:That's good. I didn't know the Yeti was Mongolian.
Speaker 1:He's. No, I can't be a Yeti. Yeah, much better. In Alaska they call fucking A bobbin or a snowman. What the fuck? I look like a snowman, like you know. I got big hairy balls. I don't know why he sounds like Carmen now. They ain't snowballs. Yeah, I ain't got no goddamn snowballs. They're big fuzzy bars. Yes, I'm the fucking great yeti. I'm a bunch of riddle yeti. Ready, I'm ready. Who you Yeti? I'm a bunch of riddle Yeti. Yeti, betty Yeti. I'm the Yeti who you think own auto coolers? Tish and Wonga Yeti cooler. You spend $400 on a fucking Yeti cooler, you idiot Stupid.
Speaker 2:I didn't know. The Yeti was Mongolian.
Speaker 1:Yeah, shit, that's what they call them in Asia northern Asia, the Yeti was Mongolian. Yeah, shit, that's what they call them in Asia Northern Asia.
Speaker 2:They say Yeti, yeah, huh, yeah, yeah, I don't know. I think China's definitely done something with.
Speaker 1:You know, if I was gay dude, I'd be a whore. Every guy would I mean. I think that's one of the recruiters. Yeah, that's one of the first things they use on their elevator pitch as they go.
Speaker 2:Hey you fuck with my shitty mom. Do whatever you want, then some didn't aids start because some guy fucked a monkey. No, it was the government. I don't know. Yeah, we haven't figured that out.
Speaker 1:I think it's funny. Hold on. We have all these diseases, these toxins in the world and these. What are they? Immunologists or whatever?
Speaker 2:I gave Magic Johnson my my bread.
Speaker 1:That's how we cured the aids. You know, like medicine man, like we have all that. And aids were like okay, how do we what's the best, what's the most realistic answer to the, to the problem of this AIDS epidemic?
Speaker 2:and someone was like man fucked a monkey flight attendant too.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, did you just say a human fucked a monkey and that's why we have AIDS?
Speaker 2:Yep. Oh, at least 30% of the people are like checks out, yeah.
Speaker 1:I hope I don't have AIDS. I fucked a monkey and then he got a fucking Nobel Peace Prize 30% of the people were like checks out. Yeah, yeah, that sounds right, yeah, I hope I don't have ears. I fucked them up and then he got a Pulitzer, I mean a fucking Nobel Peace Prize for that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, bravo, brilliant Is that what they are?
Speaker 1:Brilliant theory Is that what scientists win?
Speaker 2:The Nobel Peace Prize? I believe so.
Speaker 1:No, no, like Murray curry won the thing they win emmys. No, no, it's the mtv music awards we're discovering nuclear fission.
Speaker 2:The mtv music dude.
Speaker 1:That's hilarious. That sounds like a fucking uh, what's that claymation show? Wallace and gromit, no, no, no on cartoon network. It was on for a long time, don't swim no, no, oh no, um, I don't fucking. It was like changing the channel and it was like yeah, uh, what was that called shit? Are we getting mandela chicken? Thank you, you're welcome. That's a great robot chicken.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hire us.
Speaker 1:What was that Hold on? It was the MTV Choice Award for Discovering Nuclear.
Speaker 2:Fission, not Heisenberg, heimlich Heimlinberg or something. A lot of Jewish ones. They win that because they're smart.
Speaker 1:It's kind of funny that we had the Jews made the, the, the nuclear bomb, and then the nazis put us in space yeah, if they isn't that great, and we got all the spoils from that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what we wanted, world war ii it is. We were like, hey, okay, we're gonna take you jews. Uh-huh, they're gonna build our bombs, build a bomb. And then, uh, you not. Then you guys, they're gonna, we're going to take you Jews, they're going to build our bombs, build a bomb. And then, you guys, they're going to stop. We're going to let you know what we're going to let you live. You're either going to go to Brazil, argentina or NASA.
Speaker 2:Deal. It's like the best pick of like school, like dodgeball ever. You just got to pick from the best.
Speaker 1:Well, that's what was cool is, when America took over Germany, there's this little tiny weather station in the German Alps and it was like Hitler's resort oh, the Eagle's Nest, right near the German Alps. And it was like Hitler's resort oh, the Eagle's nest, right near the Eagle's nest. And so now it's an American base, but we use it as um R and R and it's like a big resort, oh really, and it's at the most beautiful spot in Germany. America owns it. It's pretty cool.
Speaker 2:And it was from the agreement. We get that, that, and you're good scientists, you want all that yeah, it's what we want and what are they gonna say?
Speaker 1:they make such good tools cuckoo clocks too.
Speaker 2:They make such good tools. Cuckoo clocks too. Yeah, I bought Great woodworkers. They're woodworking tools. It's Fez. It's Fez tool. Yeah, oh, you like it, it's a Fez tool. It makes fine cuts with a Fez tool.
Speaker 1:You saw my little German figurines right, so good.
Speaker 2:Wooden made all built by hand, With those backwards Hindu signs on them.
Speaker 1:No, those are my, those are my private and those are my. That's my dress up stuff. Oh, dude, my arm's asleep I'm sorry, wake it up.
Speaker 2:Wake up arm, wake up arm.
Speaker 1:Come on now you got a whistle at it. You know there's a top secret document, fbi document that was just, uh, redacted. It was from like I don't know the release or redacted the redactions were unredacted. Yeah, removed redactions that there was. If you got, it was a training manual for the secret agency and it was if you got hurt or injured or shot to close your eyes and say these like six numbers, and you stop feeling pain really. And then the numbers were redacted, what? And then now they've been unredacted. What?
Speaker 1:are 69, 69, 60 that's what I should have said. No, but uh, what are the numbers? I? I saved it. It's on my instagram and this was really dumb. My knee was kind of hurting when I read it and so I literally yeah, one, four, six, nine, five, one holy shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, did it work. It did Holy moly, yeah. And I was like, oh, I'm gonna remember this. I should have told that to my wife when she was giving birth. I'm like Just say these numbers.
Speaker 1:Wouldn't that be nuts, if it?
Speaker 2:A bunch of stuff's coming out. They found the Ark of the Covenant, apparently.
Speaker 1:I've heard that every like year though. Yeah, is this like the real deal? I don't fucking know. I don't think there is an Ark of the Covenant.
Speaker 2:I think there is. I think they just made that up.
Speaker 1:What is it? The Jews and the Christians both believe it.
Speaker 2:I don't even know it's where they keep the Ten Commandments. How do we all know them? What do you mean? How do we all know them? Because they were, and some people think it's here, some people think it's in a church in Ethiopia, I don't know. The bombshell thing is that, if it's proven to be true, all this biblical stuff, all these things that we see as metaphors, might become, you know, historical accounts.
Speaker 1:You know, this is what happened in the Ark of the Covenant Eventually, let me tell you what happened in the Ark. This is what happened, let me tell you. It was being taken care of by these amazing religious leaders for a very long time, yeah. And then one of them had some outstanding debts and was kind of a shady person. Uh-huh, needed the money. Sold it. Sold it To who? To a person in the family. But they were good, god-fearing people. Uh-huh, they wanted to keep it safe.
Speaker 2:They died.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they left it to their daughter.
Speaker 2:Just in probate court now.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, they left it to their daughter just in probate court now. Well, yeah, so this fucking lady uh-huh, she gets it, she's like what, I'll fucking take it. Yeah, she used it as like a liquor cabinet, uh-huh and uh, she moved out of her house. Yeah, she was on drugs and shit. Kids were taken from her and they had like an auction. They auction auctioned off all the shit, yeah, and I think they just um pass through antiques roadhouse.
Speaker 2:Nobody noticed. No one noticed, yeah.
Speaker 1:And it got thrown away and it doesn't exist anymore.
Speaker 2:Oh shit. Yeah, you were in the military. You probably know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I mean, it's something we don't we learn about in boot camp. Yeah, listen, man, let's tell you the story of the Ark of the Covenant.
Speaker 2:Sit around the fire. Yeah, do you want to?
Speaker 1:Why do you think I have PTSD? Do you want a?
Speaker 2:kid's teen choice award For your valor and service.
Speaker 1:To protect the Ark of the Covenant. Find the Ark of the Covenant? No, but yeah, yeah, it's in a landfill in michigan that would be funny.
Speaker 2:Viacom presents the purple heart. You know like it's like corporations now sponsor military medals brought to you by segways segway scooters gives you an honorable discharge. That's what you get. You get a Segway scooter. You served honorably.
Speaker 1:Hasbro Micro Machines. Purple Heart no, we already used Purple Heart Medal of Freedom, the Congressional Medal of Honor brought to you by Tampax, brought to you by Viagra, brought to you by Yeti. You by Yeti, you fucking Yeti. Oh my goodness, this is what's wild is. I am high as a kite, I know, while Dan is just, I'm sober, he's on, he's just ripping a.
Speaker 2:I got.
Speaker 2:I got about fours in in in my mouth right now you're like I'm gonna ride this rainbow with josh, yeah, so I'll put fours in it well, it's funny because I was sitting here and you real fired up and and very cogent and passionate in the beginning, cogent, and you've taken about 20 hits of that pen and then you were screaming. We were yeah, it is an asian yeti, um, or I guess that's redundant a yeti is asian. Yeah, that's. Yeah, my mistake. Yeah, you learned something new, um, but yeah, this is a fun space to be. I'm glad I took this little. Uh, I think learning new or kind of learning, no, they're not redundant.
Speaker 2:Depends. I mean, when you're learning, you're learning new information. We don't learn sneakers, but there's new sneakers.
Speaker 1:But I could learn about the new sneakers If you had a wig right now you'd kind of look like bon jovi really a little bit. Thank you, yeah, but like a little harder edge, no, like if tom petty and bon jovi had a had a bastard child through the gay sex.
Speaker 2:Yeah it would be you right now. Thank you, yeah, I think that's a compliment, yeah you know my nose is getting kind of.
Speaker 1:I've never been sexually attracted to a man, but that one picture of you where you look like Dale Earnhardt which one is that, I don't know. You're doing something and you're like you got to. You got a cigarette in, you got a big mustache Huh.
Speaker 2:You got a big mustache. I'd like to see that it's like the Richard Petty look.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what I told you it looked like. Oh, it's when you had the chops. It might have been when you had the chops.
Speaker 2:Hmm, I wonder when that was from. I don't know. I love the chops, it gave me a boner. The chops are fun, dude.
Speaker 1:It's a great look. I've told you, the wife hates the chops. You know what? What is she going to leave you, dan?
Speaker 2:No, but she'll. She'll make it, so I leave. But won't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you do in your head and that's what you masturbate to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm like oh, just open highway.
Speaker 1:When you're jerking off and that you're seeing life as a highway from cars. That's the only way you get off oh yeah, when you're jerking off and that you're seeing life as a highway from cars, life is a highway. That's the only way you get off.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, bombing down the highway. We talked about cars the other day 90 miles an hour with Rascal Flatts playing.
Speaker 1:I was listening back to our podcast and you were you were talking about cars and Doc Holiday, doc Hollywood, yeah, and Fine film you were talking about it and you had like these little nuances where you really knew about cars and I and I of course I do, cause I'm a dad, but I realized it's because you were a little kid when cars came out- yeah, and I loved I was.
Speaker 2:So I've rewatched as an adult yeah, probably this year. Yeah, the Hudson Hornet scene where he teaches him how to drive a bank, and then after that I went and watched a 30-minute video on the history of the Hudson Hornet. Wow, I love NASCAR and all that. I read a book called Driving with the Devil, which was talking about the origins of nascar and moon shining and on all that stuff and I love that my dad met dale earnhardt.
Speaker 1:They fished together really.
Speaker 2:So the problem is this sounds like a lie my dad was a schizophrenic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he also thought there were angels flying on top of the house.
Speaker 2:He could have just sat next to a rabid raccoon at a creek.
Speaker 1:There's the intimidator. I mean that's intimidating. My dad didn't leave his room for three days After that. Dale was his. Yeah, he had model cars and stuff that he made. He asked if we could blow Dale and Dale was like get the fuck away from me.
Speaker 2:Oh, that fishing trip. And then your dad was just dealing with that for three days in his room you see that big old mustache just wrapped around a little fucking kid's dick.
Speaker 1:I blew it. I blew it. I should have loved him like he loved me. I blew it. Oh man, never see him again. I should have loved him like he loved me. I blew it. Oh man, never sing again. This is the most offensive podcast we have done together.
Speaker 2:No, dude, it's been a good time. We've been laughing, and that's what the world needs laughter, the world needs now love, sweet love. Now love, sweet love it's a good way one. Thank you.
