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Lowcountry Lowlifes
Maybe the greatest mediocre podcast you've never heard. Listen to comedian Josh Bates and Dan Sweeney talk about something and nothing all at once. Insightful? Maybe. Entertaining? Kinda. A waste of your time? Absolutely. Oh....and Dan quit the show
Lowcountry Lowlifes
Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon
oh my god again.
Speaker 3:Why would we ever talk over this? No, it's a crime.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hey, let's turn that art down so we can do our shitty art, hey let's talk, let's take away from the vibe and create a whole, nother vibe with just our voices. That isn't. It doesn't sound as good to my ears.
Speaker 3:Hey, I have important things to say. You should listen to me. Hey, who are you? I'm Josh Bates and I'm Dan Sweeney.
Speaker 3:Welcome back to good old low country, low lives. This is your first time listening. Thank you. If it's your second time, I appreciate you. If it's more than your third, thank you very much. Thank you very much. Um, I had a really good time on our last episode. Sheesh, yeah, as they say. Yeah, I, the yeti episode. Yeah, I was a little worried. I was like I was really stoned and I didn't know what I talked about. So I listened to it yesterday. Yeah, but you know what?
Speaker 1:brother, you fought for your right to party, yeah, and to have a good time for every iraqi kid that I killed.
Speaker 3:Uh-huh, I should be able to, yeah, say whatever I want have a good day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, it's all about the laughter friend. It's just about laughing. And you and I, what do we do? We laugh, we, laugh, we. But, most importantly, we live, unlike the Pope.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, you know this is funny. I meant to say it tonight. Yeah, this wasn't on this Pope, but it was the last Pope and it was hilarious. I turn on Fox News. John Paul died and it was when he was about to die and everybody was, like you know, at the Vatican getting ready and mourning uh-huh, um, on the bottom ticker it just said no hope for the pope and I was like whoever did that is a fucking genius probably the same guy who did the remember the korean air flight crashed and they read the pilot's names and they
Speaker 1:were like we too low and something long yeah, that same guy, holy shit there, we too low and something long. Yeah, that same guy.
Speaker 3:Holy shit, there's a too low. There's a it's like the league of extraordinary teleprompter typers who when there's a news story, they'll put or do you remember that, that black newscaster that was talking about like this guy? That was like showing himself in the park and then they had the sketch and it was exactly. It looked exactly like him exactly, that's great dude. I will watch two hours straight of newscaster bloopers I love local news.
Speaker 1:Local news I love.
Speaker 3:Does it get better than local news?
Speaker 1:no, that's all I watch is local news dan, you know that turns me on really.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I like that. We need more people watching local news. Dan, you know that turns me on Really. Yeah, I like that. We need more people watching local news.
Speaker 1:I started watching the local news. Hell yeah, when we were with Child and had. Child, I was like I need to get involved in the community.
Speaker 3:The only time it's weird is because they're owned by a big brother. They have these like segments towards the end. Yeah, that every you know, yeah, whatever is doing the same bit. Yeah, and it's like hard conservative and now for propaganda yeah, and you're like whoa, hey, but other it's clear channel.
Speaker 1:I think is the the company okay, I thought it was like dying. There's like a dynacorp or something like this. You might be right, there's a, but yeah, I mean mean, if you live in this country and you think that the news is real, to an extent it is, and then it's not. It's bought and sold for by people and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:So I think at the height of the news is false or whatever. Yeah, I think at that time cnn was still pretty legitimate and now they've just it's a full turd burger I think it all went to shit after walter cronkite I mean, there's something to be said about 20. It's not news, it's uh common, it's um, not commentary, it's uh, it's opinions.
Speaker 1:It's that's all it is, it's feelings, where cronkite was like. Here's the news he's like the president died and then he'd take his glasses off and like, wipe his eyes, and then he'd be like and he died at 302 reacted like that hold on as a, as a child or no.
Speaker 3:We weren't even around when walter cronkite was podcast. You know podcast when he's podcasting when he was broadcasting it's. He didn't do that every night, dan he only did that one night on in november of 1963 yeah, well then he did the part where he got to the moon, would it? Be funny, though, if they're like hey, cronkite, do the bit, do the bit, and then he takes off the glasses and he's like.
Speaker 1:You know, the president died this morning like that was it, that was it, that was it. Yeah, he was just facts, old facts, cronk I, every day I listen to a podcast.
Speaker 3:Uh, it's the pbs news hour, ah, pbs love it.
Speaker 1:I loved pbs growing up. Mr rogers was on pbs yeah, that's goddamn right.
Speaker 3:I still listen to. I listen to pop still watch mr rogers every morning you know, I didn't know that daniel tiger's neighborhood was mr rogers neighborhood, that's a spinoff of mr rogers dude. I, my kid, was watching it for like months and months and then you and I was like, huh, why don't you be my neighbor like he's talking about? There's some kind of similarities here. And then I realized the whole fucking show is Mr Rogers neighborhood.
Speaker 1:We were talking, I think, once about Daniel tiger. That would be funny If Mr Rogers came home. It was like Mr Rogers in the background and he's like not as happy go lucky as you think. He's like just angry and drunk and throwing his shoes and Daniel Tiger's ushering the people inside.
Speaker 2:He's like, oh, go inside.
Speaker 3:Or is Dad the tiger from Mr Rogers' movie. He was in Vietnam, and so he has a lot of PTSD, a lot of shell shock, as you will, and Daniel goes outside and makes up these crazy adventures.
Speaker 4:Oh, let's get out of the house, run around, see the neighbor get on the train I would watch it.
Speaker 3:That would be, you watch bluey, no you watch that yet no, we've done.
Speaker 1:We're doing a thing where we're gonna try and keep it low stimulus. Yeah, you do that with your first kid, yeah, and then the second one. You're like I don't care. Watch the beheading video, it's fine yeah, it's quick it's cool.
Speaker 3:You'll learn about geopolitics and yeah, this one's not as messy as that the, the far strands of humanity, and where it'll take you um no, I don't know, man, this weekend was wild, was it? Yeah, but no, the pope, we, we didn't finish our pope conversation oh yeah rip for sure.
Speaker 3:I loved watching videos of him taking his hand away from people when they would try to kiss it. You'd be like, yeah, get away from me. Yeah, well, not bad, that's not that. Oh, you are a poor person, you are not the boy. Yeah, but it was not a news like I. I think the news media thought like the world was going to stop and pay attention.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no one cared. No, there's probably memes about it now. Interestingly, I think JD Vance was the last murdered him.
Speaker 3:He did touch him. Oh yeah, maybe he had poison on his, on his hands.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the medicine has been given to the Pope. The medicine has been given to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the medicine has been given to the pope. The medicine has been given to, yeah. And then rfk was just like finally, we've killed the monster, he's gone, yeah, as he ate some bald eagle eggs. I, yeah, I think the everybody loved I'm, because when I grew up it was, uh, pope john paul.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the second yeah, yeah, he was every, he was every man's pope, and then he died, and then all the stuff came out. All the pedophilia stuff came out, yeah, and they were like, ah, oh, geez so what you're telling me is john paul did his job, he was the best pope, he was a good you. You have to give him credit. Yeah he, he had that shit on lock yeah, he got shot.
Speaker 1:I think he got shot. Did he yeah't doubt that? I don't know if he. I think he got hit.
Speaker 3:Really. Yeah, I can believe that because I think there was a time when I went really.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So bullets can hit the. Have you seen that video of now, king Charles? When he was prince and someone tried to kill him. Yeah, to go on stage and have the gun right there.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And he just stood there. He's like who was this? Hey, oh, this isn't, this isn't. That's a gun pointed at me. This is not good that's a weird.
Speaker 3:The windsor accent's a weird accent. It's not like a normal british one.
Speaker 1:It's real teethy yeah, it's very uh inbred. Yeah, it's very inbred.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's very. We have many family secrets. We keep them hidden away in a dungeon. Yeah, my brother, andrew, hung out with Jimmy Seville and Jeffrey Epstein, but it's not weird.
Speaker 3:Now you sound like Vincent Price. He doesn't sweat, he's fine.
Speaker 2:You might have the best Vincent Price impression my wife was sleeping with a brown man and we killed him in a tunnel in Paris and blamed it on the media. It was the paparazzi, brilliant, the insatiable paparazzi.
Speaker 3:And we all know it was mother.
Speaker 2:And then, finally, I could be with what's her name Camille, yeah, cam. And then, finally, I could be with what's her name Camille, yeah, camille. If I could be a tampon shoved up your bloody cunt, I would love that.
Speaker 3:Do you think Camille gives it anal Because she has to?
Speaker 1:Oh, that's what the king needs.
Speaker 3:Yeah, king needs that ass.
Speaker 2:I demand anal sex.
Speaker 3:The king demands it. I think that's what princess diana refused.
Speaker 2:I'm not doing that and he's like, you will do it. You're a princess, you're a princess, you're a princess and you'll put this penis into your butthole, into your pooper. We speak in alliteration. Put the penis in the pooper.
Speaker 3:That's what happened and that's what you don't get from the news and that's why America won this weekend. Whoa, what happened? Okay, so we had a show. I'll go ahead and say her name. Say it ain't so, bro. So we had a show. Uh, takara Williams. Uh, she used to travel with uh cat Williams, nice, she's sold out. Good show, all the shows were great. Um. So, one night, uh, bo, which is one of um my partners, he's inside, I'm outside and he goes hey, emergency inside the building. You guys come in here right now oh wow, we're like all right.
Speaker 3:So we and this is at the end of the show everyone's in line signing. She's signing autographs and taking pictures with people, and there's like a huge line whatever, there was a guy in the front of the line. They're going hey, you remember me, right, takara? And she's like oh yeah, I don't remember your name, though, baby, but yeah, you look familiar. He's like no, you, you know who I am, you know who I am. I don't like, and she's like I don't. I don't mean either. In my I was like oh, this doesn't look good. Yeah, he came from connecticut, oh, to come see her. Oh for the Wow, not only did he come to do that we're in South Carolina.
Speaker 1:That's a trip. Yeah, that's a trip. That's a 12 hour, 14 hour trip.
Speaker 3:So he came down from Connecticut, he flew, he flew down here. Okay, so he flew down here to see the show Makes it a little better. He's been talking to her online for like 10 months. She big in the chat rooms Check this out. He bought an engagement ring, oh, and he was planning on asking her the question at the club oh cool In front of people, that's front of people. He's bought her jewelry, sent money. Ballsy, very ballsy man. First time he's seen her. He's actually gone to a few of her shows even.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And this show was finally. And he liked it what he sees. He liked it what he sees. She was like I have no idea who you are. Uh huh, come to find out. He was catfished, oh say it ain't. So. He was catfished for almost a year and he was given this woman thousands of dollars oh no, brought. And he was given this woman thousands of dollars oh no, brought a wedding ring. Ah, thought they were gonna get married. Geez, he bought tickets for that night, both the shows, shows for the next night, both shows. God bless, he got a hotel room. He found out where she had a room and got a room there as well. Cool. And I was like, okay, this is all borderline creepy, but yeah, under that situation, he thought it's kind of romantic.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he thought he was being romantic, yeah, and yeah, that's some shit. So what happened? Nothing. I mean that. I mean he, he was acting kind of weird still. So we were like you know, do we believe him?
Speaker 1:but everything kind of checked out that doesn't like just shut off.
Speaker 3:You know that's a year of a man's life yeah, no, it was wild so she said no well, no, she didn't, he didn't ask oh, he didn't get the chance, but he he found out that they didn't know each other. She didn't know him. Oh oh God. So he was talking to someone claiming to be Takara, like every night. Oh, no, yeah, it was so awkward, it was awesome.
Speaker 1:I bet some fat rednecks just like.
Speaker 3:Oh, I'll be, Takara.
Speaker 1:Yeah, however you pronounce her name I feel like a Takara in my bones.
Speaker 3:In my bones. Oh man, Look what he just sent me.
Speaker 2:He just sent me this fine jewelry. Oh wow, he just sent me five hundred dollars. Yeah, get me a couple two liters ain't that crazy?
Speaker 1:yeah, that's. Uh. I used to watch that show catfish, yeah, and I see the movie the catfish, the movie.
Speaker 3:Well, the movie, the show, was based off of the. The movie no, what was the movie? Holy shit. So the guy, the main guy on the catfish show, yeah, was catfished really greatly, oh wow. And they made a documentary during the catfish and this was before there was even a term called being catfish. Yeah, why do they call it that?
Speaker 1:they explain it in the catfish sneaky slutty fish secret slutty lying sneaky fish?
Speaker 3:um, I don't remember, but the movie's really good okay, yeah, I bet.
Speaker 1:Oh it's good, because that catfishing is just the most. It's one. It's like war, it's one of the the worst parts of humanity, but it's the best part too, because there's love involved and there's heroes and villains, and it's fun to watch it's entertaining. It's quite Shakespearean but, you know, kind of retarded at the same time Missing, I didn't, yeah, the whole, but yeah, it's just the epidemic of loneliness. I mean, that's, that's gotta be.
Speaker 1:There's a fucking little yeah they're little gnats, little mosquito, flying around here. It's nat season, man, I don't like it. No, it's bugs. And I sat down one time and I was looking at my legs. Like you know, my boss used to call uh mosquitoes. I was, I'm getting eat up by mosquitoes, he goes.
Speaker 3:Man, they ain't mosquitoes, that's just southern acupuncture all right I'd never even heard the term no seeums until I moved here what is that?
Speaker 1:uh, no, see them yeah, no, I know, but why do?
Speaker 3:they call them no seeums because you can't see them like the real. Real. I'd never even heard the term no-see-ums until I moved here. What is that No-see-um? Yeah, no.
Speaker 1:I know, but why do they call them no-see-ums? Because you can't see them.
Speaker 3:Like the real, real small ones, like the little tiny gnats. You know, man, the South really has it figured out, don't they? Yeah, oh, those are just no-see-ums.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's that's catfishing. Is man? That's that is brutal.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that is very you ever, you ever date online I did the dating apps, but I was.
Speaker 1:I was never really that successful. Honestly, most of the success I think I ever really had was meeting in person and then going from there. The dating apps I was.
Speaker 3:I was never yeah I just yeah, it's just, I was never I was intrigued by them after I, you know, got a divorce and then I went on two dates. One of them was here in town and, uh, she tried to convince me to do a swingers party thing. Nice, fun girl. Yeah, it was kind of weird, I didn't do it, yeah, um. And then the second was my now wife. Oh cool, yeah, that works well. It's funny because she, uh, we were getting to know each other, and she's like, yeah, I do theater. And I'm like, oh, that's great, I do theater too here in town.
Speaker 3:I'm a director yeah, and I'm, and I was doing, shows you know, and I'm like what, what?
Speaker 3:what I've maybe seen you in she? She's like well, you know, I was in the show called. A funny thing happened on the way to the forum and I said, uh, oh, at footlight, and she goes yeah and I go no, you weren't. She's like yeah, I was, and I was like no, you weren't, because I was the lead in that play and you to be in the show, which she was, and she broke her leg and she couldn't be in the show because she she took it literally.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she broke a leg, break a leg.
Speaker 3:Yeah, she smashed it with a bat and that's and then so she saw the play, saw me. This was like a year before we met okay and I remember her because she did have like this big, huge cast on yeah, and she like came and said, hey, good job after the show, yeah, and I just ignored her and I was like, oh, thanks.
Speaker 1:And just kept walking.
Speaker 3:Thanks, bitch. Hey, thank you, you fucking bitch.
Speaker 1:I'm a local theater legend. Get the fuck.
Speaker 3:No, I wish no I don't man.
Speaker 2:I guess I'm a poo crawling over me.
Speaker 3:I don't, I hung that up.
Speaker 1:You hung up the old thespian cap.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, I'm talking about dating apps. I just did the two dates, so that's a pretty good success rate. I mean, I'm batting 500. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Better than Ted Williams.
Speaker 3:Goddamn right, good old ted couldn't do what I did no no no, ted was a better than you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, ted williams used to like his wife would be pregnant and he knew how pregnant she was. She'd be like I'm, it's like it's 50, it's 1960, we have no air conditioning and I'm nine months pregnant, it's august. He's like I'm gonna go down to key west and fish and he would just leave his wife and then she would have the baby and he'd come in off the boat and then the phone would ring and they'd be like it's a girl and he's like cool, and then he'd just hang up the phone and cook the fish.
Speaker 1:And I remember because I loved Ted Williams growing up and I'd read his biographies and I was like that's cool.
Speaker 3:I was like that's cool. I was like that's really cool. My dad when I was born. He decided to go on a fishing expedition out on a reservation in Oklahoma somewhere.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And my mom was nine months pregnant.
Speaker 1:He's like this is a good time to go. This is a good time to do this.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and he, it was like way off the beaten path and they had to like get the game like the park rangers to find them and they're like, hey, your wife is having he was in a ghillie suit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he was fishing. No, he wasn't fishing, hiding.
Speaker 3:He was becoming one, with the natives blending in. Yeah, he already had a native american name and everything, yeah, changed lives. Now, uh, yeah, he, I'm a fat, white, a man. Yeah, and then I, uh, then I was a c-section baby because the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck now I've heard this is a uh, a falsehood and that uh, not that you.
Speaker 1:That wasn't true. You were not born. I talked to some nurses and they said he's a liar. No, that, uh. If you have, if the baby has the umbilical cord around their neck, it's fine. But they use that as a way to get in, to cut the lady open and perform a c-section, um, because then they can charge more money because the umbilical cord is as long as it's still attached to the baby. That's how the baby's been getting oxygen and nutrients and everything like that.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, no, it makes sense, because that means it could just happen at any time, not just during the labor yeah but there was this was, but there's a transition or something.
Speaker 1:It's also 1981, yes, yes, um, I don't mean to take away from your the trauma of your birth or anything like no, no, no, yeah, no, they were scared they.
Speaker 3:They knocked her out oh, did they yeah yeah, so she was in there alone she uh, she was young right, yeah, she was 15 or 17.
Speaker 4:All right, 17 yeah she's only what's that one creepy 17 song seven oh uh, real creepy if I could fly, I'd lift you up. No, no, I'll take you into the night.
Speaker 3:Is that the one? The music video no that's not it, the one music video where he's like walking he's only 16 years old the grossest song.
Speaker 4:They're like don't do it that's what they said in the video he's like knocking on the door and then he's like if I could kidnap you from your room, I'd take you into my van and have some fun with your body yeah, your frontal cord?
Speaker 3:yeah, you're. No, your frontal lobe isn't yeah.
Speaker 1:and then he's like I'll show you a love you've never seen. You want to know why you haven't seen it? Because you're 16. Yeah, that ain't right.
Speaker 3:And no one told him. No one said, bro, we can't make this album.
Speaker 1:I remember that I heard that song by Winger.
Speaker 3:She's only 17. She's only 17.
Speaker 1:And I played it for my brother. My brother was like I was like this song is crazy and he goes the 80s were crazy and I was like, yeah, I guess you're right, jimmy page I mean dated like a 14 year old in secret, jerry seinfeld oh yeah, I mean shoshana, shoshana she young, she was gotta bless you, jerry, and then'Elia. Yeah, he's like he had a sex addiction.
Speaker 3:They're saying it's okay now, he's okay now.
Speaker 1:He's rehabilitated and I'm like, ah, he's like I had a baby and I got a bunch of tattoos.
Speaker 3:I'm like you know I'm going to keep my kids away from Chris D'Elia.
Speaker 1:It is interesting because he's still a millionaire and people still go and see him in theater. So I you know. I guess that's there's something to be said about cancel culture it's weird that he's like doing big, big rooms now and, like louis ck, still kind of doing like clubs.
Speaker 3:I mean I know he did like the garden again or no. He did, no, he didn't madison square garden and yeah, he's in the theater and stuff, but I think he's a guy and he's like I'm gonna work out my stuff in the clubs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, I think they're. Uh, and forgive me if I'm stepping on any toes here, but I think they're two completely different yeah, you know.
Speaker 3:Another one's pretty crazy is kevin spacey, yeah, and now he gets into like arguments with people online, yeah, and make videos about like certain people he did and did not fuck and it's just really awkward and I'm like dude. He was on top of hollywood at one time literally um the boy named hollywood. Yeah, he's on top of him, he fucked the uh the kid from uh adventures of babysitting. What is that? You remember? The movie adventures and babysitting?
Speaker 1:no, oh, that was an 80s movie.
Speaker 3:yeah, it was an eighties movie. Yeah, it was an eighties movie and the kid was in it and Kevin Spacey. In the eighties or um, I think it might've been the late eighties, early nineties, yeah.
Speaker 2:He was on Broadway on.
Speaker 3:Broadway and that's when they so it was before he became like a big movie star. Okay, he was fucking around with a kid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I fucking around with a kid. Yeah, you know, it's rare that you have. Um, I think paul newman's like the only real guy he was like married to his wife forever 47 years. I mean an icon, like one of the most handsome men to grace. You know, cool hand luke.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and he was just, he got a pass he just well.
Speaker 1:He just stuck it in his wife for 47 years yeah and became a race car driver and started making salad dressings. He's awesome. But then, yeah, you get the other side of hollywood, where I'm sure there's a bunch of you know yeah, like roman polanski oops hollywood's where the woody allen the weird get beautiful and the beautiful get weird.
Speaker 1:I mean, jesus, yeah, roman polanski. There was a thing in uh the that book chaos that was talking about roman polanski and he was a. In uh the that book chaos that was talking about roman polanski and he was a bit of a. I mean, you know, you could say he was a true filmmaker, but there was, the cops apparently found um a videotape of what was his wife's name again, uh, sharon tate they found a tape of sharon tate getting like gang banged by like three dudes Jesus Like an old, like real to real kind of like tape.
Speaker 5:Eight millimeter Exactly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Like they were, cause they were combing through the house and apparently they found this and a lot of evidence and stuff got you know, because he was the guy she was killed by.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but no, it's right, yeah, not in that video video. No, I know, I'm just thinking shannon tate yeah, sharon tate, yeah, she's pregnant it's brutal. She was really good in once upon a time in hollywood.
Speaker 1:She was yeah, she was really good in wolf of wall street too yeah, it was really cool for her to come back and do those. Yeah, it's really true, truly a testament to her fortitude as an actress she doesn't do it for me that actress, margot robbie. Yeah, okay, doesn't do it for me that's nice.
Speaker 3:Who do you? Who do you like in hollywood? Who do you go? Ah?
Speaker 1:hey, oh, who's the chick? I saw recently the chick from heat.
Speaker 3:I don't remember the chicken heat edie oh, what was edie falco from the?
Speaker 1:soprano no, not edie falco although she's got a joie de vivre like a gusto about her oh yeah a little je ne sais quoi, but uh, there's a thing about these, um, oh. And who was the chick? Uh, deborah winger, when she was in, and I don't know why. This is a curly haired brunettes. Yeah, really okay, strike a chord with me all right, but she was in a urban cowboy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, deborah winger you know who had dark curly hair isabella rosalini who's? That oh yeah yeah, she's like a foreign film actress. I'll check her out. Yeah, isabella rosalini, she's italian. Isabella rosalini? No, she's, uh, african.
Speaker 1:Oh, really no, of course she's italian, I don't know, I mean that fucking name.
Speaker 3:She's sicilian, she could be well, she sounds like a fucking. She sounds like a pasta dish. Uh, you know actually, um amy brenneman, I'll take the breadsticks and uh, I'll have some isabella rosalini sounds good yeah are you looking her up?
Speaker 1:yeah, I'm gonna show. I'm gonna show you the picture of her in heat I don't know who she is.
Speaker 3:The other oh, okay yeah that's interesting. Okay, I mean, all right I like curly yeah brown hair woman.
Speaker 1:Yeah like, ah, there's something kinky hair oh, you know, short curly hair.
Speaker 3:Uh, what's her name? Had it in ghost?
Speaker 1:uh, bruce willis's ex-wife to me more, yeah golly, have you ever seen a picture of demi more in high school? No, she's like all cross-eyed and shit really yeah and to me more. Yeah, she's like she had a wonky eye, wow, and her mom used to prostitute her. Really, yeah, jesus and then her mom also did like I think to me more did like a playboy thing, uh, where she you know's like I'm hot and take pictures of me. And then her mom did one for Hustler.
Speaker 3:Her mom was like watch this, look at my fucking pussy, it's huge. Yeah, look at this, Let me open these flaps.
Speaker 1:So she came from a rough childhood. She had a schizophrenic sister. Maybe you're thinking about somebody else, I don't know is interesting, though. Yeah, no, she had. She had a like a brutal upbringing, wow. And then now she's, you know, taking care of bruce willis as he drools himself to death yeah, and he's not.
Speaker 3:They're not even married. He got remarried to a different chick yeah, it's kind of.
Speaker 1:It's interesting. Yeah, they've had a weird. Well, where's the wife like?
Speaker 3:his, she's there, like hanging out while she's there well, demi moore's is fucking jerking him off.
Speaker 1:I think it's just an old yeah you know, I think they're, I don't know, yeah, I had his babies, and now I'm here taking care of him and his babies kate winslet still does something for me I love, oh yeah I love kate winslet why was she in that I really I can't think of it.
Speaker 3:I watch too much stuff Dressed down. Did you see the what is that? Mayor of Easttown? She was Bob Dylan.
Speaker 1:No, it was Mayor of.
Speaker 3:Easttown. It's Mayor like M-A-R-E. Oh oh, it was like a murder mystery on.
Speaker 1:HBO. Yeah, I think I watched parts of that. Yeah, Amazing like a murder mystery on HBO. Yeah, I think I've watched parts of that.
Speaker 3:yeah, amazing. And you know she just like plays like a sheriff from Pittsburgh.
Speaker 1:She was good in Indiana Jones Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:That's not her. You're thinking of Cate Blanchett.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're thinking of Cate, oh, cate Winslet, I am thinking of Cate Blanchett. Oh yeah, no, oh yeah, no. There's something special about her too, my friend. What was the movie she was in the with the, the suburbia one where she, uh, her and leo fight the? Whole movie hanger abortion ends the movie.
Speaker 3:That ends it's a hanger abortion oh um it's not suburbia no, it's the movie with her and leo right yeah are they like fall in love and then it's an ugly divorce.
Speaker 1:It's like we're going to live in the suburbs and then you know I hate you, and then they go crazy. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I'll remember it. Yeah, it'll come to you. Internal sunshine for the spotless mind.
Speaker 1:Little Miss Sunshine that was not Cate Blanch, I mean Cate Wins it oh, that's the one with uh, yeah, that's the one with uh jim carrey, I love that movie. You're really good with movies. You can do the six degrees of uh kevin bacon and you want me to play this game and I can't play it. And, yeah, give me somebody chastise it. Uh, oh, I got one before we do one, let's explain it to the audience, okay, so everyone knows.
Speaker 3:Six degrees separation, it's the same thing yeah you do it with kevin bacon. Uh-huh, you name an actor who's been in a movie, who's been in a movie up to six times to kevin bacon.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna try and stump you a little bit, okay? Or should I give you an easy one? I'll give you.
Speaker 3:I'll give you denzel washington denzel washington was in ricochet with john lithgow who was in the. He was the bad guy in uh footloose with kevin bacon all right.
Speaker 1:Now I got one for you, all right.
Speaker 3:That was a good one. Give me some love on that one.
Speaker 1:McKelty Williamson. I don't know who that is. He was the guy who played Baba in Forrest Gump.
Speaker 3:Okay, he was in Forrest Gump with Tom Hanks, who was in Apollo 13 with Kevin Bacon, you can't stump this guy, no. I've tried, you can't, didn't? I almost get you once you might have, but even then, paul newman, paul newman was in.
Speaker 2:Um. What's that pool movie?
Speaker 3:oh the color of money with tom cruise who's in, a few good men with kevin bacon okay I'll give you one, charles cham. Well, the rule is they've had to make a movie in the last 30, 40 years.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 1:Because, I can't, I don't know.
Speaker 4:Or I got one, jackie Gleason.
Speaker 3:Jackie Gleason was in Caddyshack 2. God, was he really? Yeah, he was the star in Caddyshack 2. No shit, yeah, what happened Jackie? Yeah, jackie G. No shit, yeah, what happened jackie? Yeah, jackie leeson was in caddyshack 2 with. We'll use bill murray uh-huh that's one. Bill murray was in. We'll use um audience. I hope you're not bored, but no, they're not okay. Good, bill murray was in. We'll use I'm thinking of a wes anderson movie to use. Um, okay, well, I got it all right. Oh, sound effects. Yeah, so who was the original person?
Speaker 3:you said jackie gleason jackie gleason was in caddyshack 2 with Bill Murray. Bill Murray was in. I just said it. Hold on, the music is throwing me off but I love it, hold on. Bill Murray was in the Royal Tenenbaums with Gwyneth Paltrow, who was in Seven, with Brad Pitt, who was in Sleepers, with Kevinad pitt, uh-huh, who was in sleepers, with kevin bacon.
Speaker 1:there we go you gotta give it to him. I can't stump. You did it in four.
Speaker 3:That's really impressive thank you, it's my mutant power it is yeah yeah you, because you what you did, film school film school and then I worked at blockbuster for like four years, yeah, and I just looked at movies all day. So most of the movie references I use are all from like the 90s yeah early 2000s but you can, you define that.
Speaker 1:You said find the tangent and then you'll, it's so fun.
Speaker 3:I can even say I'll give you the movie that I'm gonna pick it. Watch this. We'll do it one more time. Okay, I'm gonna use jfk, the movie jfk. All right, go ahead, give me somebody. Um, this is way harder to do john candy john candy was in jfk with kevin bacon done well, they were in the same movie together oh, so I gotta take you to you gotta take me to jfk all right, well, I'm not gonna pick steve martin.
Speaker 3:All right, I gotta pick a guy and then I'm gonna use jfk kevin bacon I'm not gonna use patrick I used footloose. That was a heart. That's not normal john lithgow wasn't in a lot of movies back then.
Speaker 1:Hold on, all right, relax Ed Gein? No, he was a serial killer, he's not an actor. I mean he played a part, oh God, all right, so you got to get to JFK.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I have to get to JFK with Kevin Bacon.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I'm thinking of the people in it.
Speaker 3:You're trying too hard, you just name an actor. From the last 34 years, I know who they are. They've had to be in at least two movies.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Ed Burns, ed Burns, yeah, who's that you? He did, uh, the brothers mcmillan. He was in saving private run. I'm giving, see, I'm giving it to you now I don't know who ed burns is.
Speaker 3:Okay, he's a young guy no I think I know who you're talking about. Yeah, ed burns was one of the younger guys in the platoon yes yeah, okay. Well, that's already easy because you know, know, he's in Saving Private Ryan with Tom Hanks. Oh, no, because I have to use JFK Mm-hmm. Okay, ooh.
Speaker 1:Okay, did I just do it.
Speaker 3:No, you didn't do it, but that's the only movie I could think of him in right now, but I'll go ahead and use it. He was in Saving Private Ryan.
Speaker 2:Okay, mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there's. I needed the music now. The music makes me feel so good about this. Here we go. Here it is my friends. Here it is. What's the guy's name? Ed Burns, ed Burns, good old Ed Bernie. Uh-huh, ed Burns was in Saving Private Ryan. Yeah, we'll use Tom Hanks.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:He was in the movie.
Speaker 2:Be careful the burbs.
Speaker 3:He was with John Candy. John Candy was in JFK with Kim Bacon. I got to hand it to you, buddy. That was tough. That was actually. I mean I got it quick, but it was tough yeah.
Speaker 1:You didn't even sweat, though, no Cause.
Speaker 3:No, that was impressive, impressive the best one I ever did. Yeah was mary kate and ashley olsen. Oh wow, they were into grandmother's house. We go I don't even it was a made for tv movie could just be saying things, but you say it was such conviction to grandmother's house. We go with reba mcintyre, who was in tremors 2 with kevin bacon, wow yeah there was a kid in my class.
Speaker 1:He used to. He quoted tremors 2 all the time. He'd always go I guess that was a big, that was his thing, yeah, it was tremors one.
Speaker 3:I don't remember whatever tremors movie.
Speaker 1:Tremors yeah a lot of tremors. You could do it, I'm gonna I don't want but I don't have that, mind you. Sure I, I we've done this, we've done this on the phone. Okay, we're like hey, you know you try, and then you make me do it, and then I don't do it fast or good at all.
Speaker 1:Give you someone super easy morgan freeman morgan freeman is black and was in seven with, uh, kevin spacey, who was in um horrible bosses with jason bateman, oh okay, who was in um just getting harder. I know, I see I don't know which way to go. All right, I have no idea. So you, you think you do Morgan Freeman. Now let's hear it.
Speaker 3:Okay, morgan Freeman was in seven with Brad Pitt, brad.
Speaker 1:Pitt is no. No, do Kevin Spacey oh.
Speaker 3:Kevin Spacey was in seven with.
Speaker 1:Brad Pitt. But no, go to Horrible Bosses. I want you to take my tangent, the hard tangent, and find Lead me home. Fine, lead me home. I'm lost in the woods. Right now I'm at Horrible Bosses with Jason Bateman. Take me home.
Speaker 3:All right, jason Bateman yeah. I'm trying to think of movies besides Horrible Bosses that he was in I could tell you, Give me.
Speaker 1:I just I don't know, no shit, I can't. He's been in a ton of movies lately then he was in that other.
Speaker 3:I can only really think of him in ozarks. He was in the movie called like tag or something he was in that.
Speaker 1:No, that was that. No, that would. No. That was uh, those john ham and uh no. Where do they all play like a tag?
Speaker 5:hannibal burris and the guy from new girl.
Speaker 1:Um yeah, jason, jason bateman might be a.
Speaker 3:He might be a little stumper I can only think of one movie, but well, horrible bosses, I'll use that. Okay, so he was in horrible bosses um with, oh easy, kevin spacey well, that's how we got to horrible bosses.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, yeah, I was like oh that's easy to kevin Horrible Bosses.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay, yeah, I was like, oh, that's easy, it's Kevin Spacey, kevin Spacey.
Speaker 1:He was in Seven with Kevin Spacey, who was in Horrible Bosses with Jason Bateman.
Speaker 3:But you want me to go that way and I can't go back the other way. Is that what you're getting at? I hope we're not boring everyone here. No, we're at Jason. Jason bateman was in that movie with jesus christ um, I'm gonna use. This is gonna be tough, but I'm gonna do it. Jason bateman was in horrible bosses. Yeah, with um. Do you need the music again? Jennifer aniston okay, jennifer aniston. Yeah, was in leprechaun.
Speaker 3:Wow, with warwick davis whoa, the guy who played the leprechaun yeah okay, that's two warwick davis uh-huh was in a little movie called star wars uh-huh. Harrison Ford was in a movie called Air Force One with Gary Oldman. Okay, who played Lee Harvey Oswald in what movie? Jfk with Kevin Bacon?
Speaker 2:Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it.
Speaker 1:Oh, that felt good. That's a raging oh dude, I used fucking Warwick Davis, bro.
Speaker 3:That was impressive. You know what I could have done? I could have said Warwick Davis was in Willow with fucking Val Kilmer, and Val Kilmer was in Top Gun with Tom Hank I mean, excuse me, with Tom Cruise, tom Cruise, who's in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon. I just needed to get the juices flowing. Yeah, I know, now I'm just a fucking. Now I'm going to think of this, will you admit, though, what that?
Speaker 1:I took us to a dark corner. You did that was hard to navigate and we did it. I don't know I'm lost. I still don't.
Speaker 4:Do you know? Warwick davis, look it up.
Speaker 1:No, I believe you.
Speaker 3:I don't know if you do you don't sound like you, do I just?
Speaker 1:think of diane warwick. Who's this?
Speaker 3:no, warwick davis was the guy that played the ewok. He was wicked in return of the jedi. So he's small guy. Yeah, and he was in willow the small guy. He was in leprechaun because he played. Oh yeah, he's in harry the small guy. He was in Leprechaun because he played the little leprechaun.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, he played the leprechaun. He was in the Harry Potter movies. Okay, was he one of the elves?
Speaker 3:He was a dwarf, the banker.
Speaker 1:No, no, no. The goblins, the goblins.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he was the main goblin at the end of the seventh movie. Goblins are fucking warwick davis. He was in that ricky, ricky gervais show, uh extras or the ricky gervais show or what whatever show he had. Yeah, he played, war he?
Speaker 1:played himself, consume a lot of uh media.
Speaker 3:I don't which is weird. I did in the 90s, in the 2000s, yeah, that's it. It's weird because, if you hear, everything I use is all from back in the day. Yeah, it's like 80s, because Kevin Spacey is kind of back in the day. I mean not Kevin Spacey, kevin Bacon.
Speaker 1:He was in the new Beverly Hills Cop. This whole thing has turned into a oh, they were in that and they were in this.
Speaker 3:Was Kevin Bacon in the Beverly Hills Cop movie.
Speaker 1:The new one. Yeah, he plays the corrupt.
Speaker 3:He's like I got a rolex but I'm a cop oh they're like oh the bad cop.
Speaker 1:Something's up with him. Yeah, okay, he's a great guy, good guy, really good guy, really good guy. That's all I've heard. How are? You doing dan you're okay yeah, good, you look good sure, sure bod. Yeah, I'm doing good. I put on 10 pounds since having the baby. Oh yeah, that's cool, yeah two pounds of what not muscle?
Speaker 1:yeah my wife was getting on me because I don't work out anymore yeah because I, I and I say this every time to where I'm like, but I do, I, I work all day, I physically it's a manual labor, job labor, and plywood's about 70 pounds a sheet and it's an awkward size. So you know, I gotta, you know, I figured out a way to move it pretty well, but I'm moving big sheets of plywood by myself all day. So she's like but you don't, that's not a workout no, but you're on your feet, you're burning a lot of calories, but that's not a workout.
Speaker 1:This is what my wife, so she made she's. She's learning, she's getting certified to teach uh yoga, so she made me do yoga this weekend. She's like I want to run my class by you yeah, it kicked your ass, dude. I was like shaking and she's just standing there. She's like hold it, it's like when we're banging. She's like hold it, I'm like I can't do it.
Speaker 3:I gotta go.
Speaker 1:I'm shaking, yeah, like a leaf and a tree and a yoga day yoga's no joke, yoga be no joke.
Speaker 3:We used to do it once a week when I was in germany. Yeah, and it'd be me and a bunch of eod guys, the guys that you know. Yeah, do the bombs.
Speaker 1:I well, we did in a kick our ass yeah, it kicks the shit out of you great flexibility and all that shit we did it my sophomore year of college for swimming. Yeah, and I can like that when the girls did the cat cow poses little downward dog look at the butt.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's always cool.
Speaker 3:It's what I'm saying oh, hey, buddy, hey, you could come in. Yeah, come on in, come on ruin our show.
Speaker 1:No, don't ruin it.
Speaker 3:No no, you're fine, you're just doing your job. Look at this this guy right here. This is this guy right here. Put a mic on. Yeah, get a mic. What the fuck?
Speaker 1:Yeah, come, get a microphone Come get a mic.
Speaker 3:Do we have an extra microphone? Yeah, we got a microphone here. Take this, harrison. Get the headphones on. Come on, buddy. Hey, give me an actor. Give me an actor who's been in. This is the. You give me an actor. Right, I have to know who the actor is. They've had to be in at least two movies in the last 30 years. Am I trying to stump you? You just give me an actor, that's all you're doing and I'm gonna get it to kevin bacon okay, oh sick.
Speaker 5:Okay, because I can't be I can't be beat okay, um, so let's go with uh let's go.
Speaker 3:Let's go, kevin hart, kevin hart. All right, kevin hart. Oh, this is a really good one. Thank you, I appreciate this one, kevin hart, was in jumanji okay with jack black fuck okay okay, jack black was in. This is still not easy. He was in hold on. Jack black was in. I want to say high fidelity but I'm not going to use that. He. Jack black was in king Kong with Naomi Watts. Okay, do I want to go with Naomi Watts.
Speaker 5:I feel like there's a better person to use than Jack Black, who was the original person. You said Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart, I think if you use the second Jumanji.
Speaker 3:Who's this guy? I could go the Rock. I could use the Rock, even I'm thinking Danny DeVito, that'd be easier who? So? You gave me kevin hart, I gave you kevin hart, kevin hart, okay, okay, everybody, calm down for a minute. I've never been stumped in this game ever, it sounds like you're stumped right now.
Speaker 5:No, it sounds like you're trying to.
Speaker 3:I'm being pressured and I need my soundtrack, I need my. There we go. Now I'm thinking, all right, okay, so you said kevin hart, kevin hart. Kevin hart, the actor, was in a little movie called jumanji. Okay, jumanji with jack black. Jack black who in Tropic Thunder with Robert Downey Jr. Robert Downey Jr was in pick, a fucking Avengers movie, but we're going to use you know what We'll do Mackie, what's his name?
Speaker 4:Anthony.
Speaker 3:Mackie.
Speaker 2:The guy that name, anthony Mackie.
Speaker 3:The guy that plays the new Captain America. Right, mackie, how dare they? Mackie was in the last Captain America movie. With who? Harrison Ford?
Speaker 5:I'm getting close though You're getting there.
Speaker 3:Harrison Ford unfortunately was in a movie, this little movie called Air Force One, with Gary Oldman, unfortunately, gary Oldman. Well, it's unfortunate because I just did it in six, because Gary Oldman was in JFK with Kevin Bacon. All right, okay, that was close. Kevin Hart to Kevin Bacon, hart to Bacon man.
Speaker 5:Hart to Bacon.
Speaker 3:Hart to Bacon. I could have even used, maybe Get Hard with Will.
Speaker 5:Ferrell yeah.
Speaker 3:Will Ferrell could have used the Barbie movies. Get the fuck out of here, harrison. How are you? Harrison? This is the first time you've been on the podcast. This is Welcome, harrison. You can turn the music off now. Thank you, dan Harrison. You are officially the first and only club rat in charleston. Oh, I love that and I want to tell you how much I appreciate that, because everyone's punk bitches yes, and I appreciate you're not a punk bitch. I love that. You, literally, like an angel, came down when I opened this club and you're like hey, I'm here and I'm all about comedy and I know this is the way to do this yeah, no, dude, that that's so great hearing that.
Speaker 5:Uh, coming from the club that I came from, so to like to hear a club owner talk me up and say that same thing in front of headliners. Yeah, it's so nice, like I'm just so glad I walked into this room and was able to. Yeah, fucking my, I mean you stumped me and you got me in the Kevin Bacon game and I panicked with Kevin Hart.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, that was a good one. Yeah Well you know what? Yeah, babe Minimals got me yeah.
Speaker 5:But anyway, thank you, like I appreciate that. I love it. Yeah, I love comedy.
Speaker 2:You never know, I love being here and this is a great place to be.
Speaker 3:So Harrison runs our open mics. He's also running Good Sets now, which I think Good Sets is going to be one of the hottest shows that we have. That's regular. It's like the best of Charleston or the best of the region, pretty much kind of a potpourri of whoever we can get. So you want to plug the next show.
Speaker 5:Yeah, may 4th here at Whitson Comedy Club with Deddy Fat Stacks, dedrick, christian Allen Flynn.
Speaker 3:Dedrick Flynn, he's coming.
Speaker 5:Making his Whitson Charleston return.
Speaker 3:He's coming and not just here Not just here. He's going to come everywhere, coming everywhere. He's coming all over Charleston.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I'm so excited. The last time daddy did a show with me, for me he ended up living with me for a month.
Speaker 3:That's what you like. That's what you get sometimes, yeah, when you do a show with dedrick flynn he might live with you and I love that he didn't fuck your mom or anything, did he? No, he didn't, but he might this time oh yeah, because that was when you were in.
Speaker 5:That's when you were in missouri, but now that it's here, there might be a love connection and the stepdad's gone, so, like you know, I mean I could have a worse stepdad than than daddy you could have dan's over in the corner masturbating right now. The idea of dedrick putting hands on your mother yeah, my stepdad was not funny and so at least having like a funny stepdad now like a headliner stepdad I like what you said on stage, like I wish he could be.
Speaker 5:I wish he was abusive yeah but instead he just watched like the expendables yeah, and that's hard to like talk about because some people are like, oh, you wanted to be a hit and I was like well, kind of yeah, like smack me around a little bit I'd have a reason to hate this guy don't be a bitch now.
Speaker 3:I just hate him because he's fucking lame what's some of the lame shit that he did? Uh, rip, rip rip. Yeah, he was an archaeologist a real one or a self-proclaimed archaeologist?
Speaker 5:he went to school and got an archaeology degree oh, wow, okay so like he had a bunch of like.
Speaker 3:So like he had a bunch of like, was it Indiana?
Speaker 5:Jones by any chance. I wish it was like if Indiana Jones didn't do anything.
Speaker 2:Like if.
Speaker 5:Indiana Jones was a stay-at-home dad that's what he did so it was just like a bunch of like Native American stuff, like bad tomahawks and like shitty arrowheads and shit like that.
Speaker 3:And that was his thing. Yeah, he was Marcus. Get on this mic. The other ones are downstairs.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 5:Yeah, the not fun Indiana Jones person who doesn't have a whip or a cool hat.
Speaker 3:Oh, Marcus, yeah, or that Arab dude that'd be like Indy.
Speaker 5:That's his whole line. Yeah, that's all whole line, and yeah, that's that's all he did in both the movies he was in. He was just.
Speaker 3:Indy.
Speaker 5:But yeah, the, I think I think having a stepdad, that would be funny, would be cool. You know, I hope it's not Dedrick, now that we talked about it. I think that'd be shitty.
Speaker 3:I think it'd be cool. Oh, think it'd be cool. Oh well, no, especially he's like, hey, it'd be cool.
Speaker 5:It would be pretty bad, it would be horrible if you started calling your son yeah I couldn't handle that, like if dedrick told me to go clean my room or some shit or hey, me and mom are going to the bedroom.
Speaker 3:We need you to leave I hate it.
Speaker 5:I don't I need to leave too. I don't want to be there during that so he's coming may 4th yeah, there's a chance he might be here till a month after that too, so there's, you might see him a lot.
Speaker 3:He might live. He might live in the green room.
Speaker 5:He might who's to say but I think that would be great for the Charleston comedy scene.
Speaker 3:They wouldn't. They're not ready for that.
Speaker 5:No, they're not With a killer every night. No, no.
Speaker 3:No, no, they're not ready for that. No, they're not ready for anyone to be good in our scene.
Speaker 5:Thank you, Harrison.
Speaker 3:Fuck you, dude. They're not ready for talent here in town.
Speaker 5:No, they're not. So May 4th, may 4th, it'll be great. We're going to try to stay away from the Star Wars jokes you said, but it'll be hard not to.
Speaker 3:It's gonna be so hard not to it's gonna be so hard not to.
Speaker 5:Because also it's like what else do we make cinco de mayo jokes?
Speaker 3:because I mean, it is cinco de mayo eve.
Speaker 5:I'm sure the mexicans were not happy about may the fourth yeah, you have to share with star wars now like this is bullshit there's not mexican representation in star wars either well then, march 10th now is mario, day what mar?
Speaker 3:and then 10, it's mario that's dumb yeah, I don't like that. And now, like nintendo, they're all about it. The japs they're, they're all.
Speaker 5:They're all about it it just feels dismissive to other days. When you give mario a day, it's like all right. Well, we don't really care about black history month either, because we're just giving mario a day.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like what is march? March is women's history month, right yeah, damn, except for that day. Mario's like I got my own day in your month bitch yeah, I'm saving peach. That's what I'm doing for femininity peach fucks, though I think you think peach fucks I don't know.
Speaker 5:I mean she gets caught up with the dragon a lot a dragon turtle or whatever he is I don't a bowser's.
Speaker 3:Uh, I think he's a turtle but right, he spits fire he's got that big old turtle back on him with the spikes.
Speaker 5:He's an alligator turtle oof, I think and see, but peach is getting mixed up in that she peaches out in a world where peach is asking for it yeah, do you see the way she dresses?
Speaker 3:she's definitely she wanted it, she wanted it, that whore. She's a whore who's just trying to get attention, trying to let a turkle, a turkle, a turtle fucker, yeah, and mario's like, absolutely not and you know yeah, and his original bitch was on. Uh, donkey kong, right, the original donkey kong. Yeah, and she was on the top because you know, donkey kong steals her, grabbed her was not peach, it's a brunette, well mario be fucking.
Speaker 5:Mario be fucking. He's out here saving mr save-a-ho I think is was the original name for mario, but they didn't want to go with that how disgraceful was it that chris pratt ended up being the voice of Mario. I really like it.
Speaker 3:actually I've watched the Mario movie so many times you look like a guy. That was like yeah, Chris Pratt.
Speaker 5:One of the last times I watched the Mario movie, I ate some mushrooms and fell asleep while I was watching it and woke up tripping to you're like this is a mario movie and I was like, oh my god, this is so amazing wow yeah, so the mario movie changed my life and that's why you came on.
Speaker 3:The podcast is exactly yeah, this was just a big segue yeah, no, I'm, I'm, yeah, the whole, yeah, the whole thing about six degrees, kevin bake and all that was just a big old tease to get to the big revelation that Harrison Broadstreet loves the Mario movie.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I really do.
Speaker 3:One more thing before you go, harrison. Yes, you have a tattoo that's pretty questionable. Let's talk about this tattoo.
Speaker 5:Are you talking about the tattoo that Cam Bertrand and I another show that we should plug?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so you and cam share a tattoo cam amazing comedian uh out of florida. I think he moved too, didn't he?
Speaker 5:yes, he's. He and daddy are living in in texas, in austin, together.
Speaker 3:Yes, oh, jesus, yes, could you imagine the buffoonery that's going on? So your tattoo, explain your tattoo uh.
Speaker 5:So my tattoo is a tattoo from the famed movie franchise of uh, the of the fast and the furious. Uh, the one of the most neglected movies of the franchise, the second one in the series too fast, too furious, too fast. Um, and there's a a famous line in that movie when tyrese gibson shoots uh one of the assailants, the bad guys, out of his car and he says ejecto, cito cuz.
Speaker 5:And that's what this tattoo is and that's it right there cam and I have matching ejector seat buttons that say ejecto, because the funny thing about this is it started as like uh, we love fast and furious. Ironically, yeah, and like it's such a great movie and we forced the opener of that tour that cam and I were on to watch this movie so many times. But then, everywhere we went, the movie was just on, like we went to a bar too fast, too furious is playing in the bar. We went, the movie was just on Like we went to a bar Too Fast, too Furious is playing in the bar. We went to the hotel. We turned the TV on it's playing in the.
Speaker 3:It was fate.
Speaker 5:The E Network plays the Fast and Furious franchise Like it's going out of business.
Speaker 3:Well, right now, if you turn on the TV, there's two guarantees the Goonies is playing somewhere. No, not the Goonies.
Speaker 5:Ridiculousness that's always on.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Mtv plays yeah, he's in his fucking warehouse doing some hijinks.
Speaker 5:Just that.
Speaker 3:All the time.
Speaker 5:And Fast and Furious, yeah, okay. So yeah, we got this little fancy matching tattoo, wow, when I was on tour with Cam, and then actually when Cam comes up here, daddy's going to be here. We're all three gonna get matching tattoos. Not sure what it's gonna be yet, still open for suggestions okay, all right, so not quite sure what that'll be, but, uh, looking to add another questionable tattoo to the rotation time because it's just about silly tattoos.
Speaker 3:Now, fuck meaning have you seen dan's balls?
Speaker 5:you have a tattoo on your balls no, no he's very embarrassed by it. Do you not want me to bring?
Speaker 3:up your balls you already did?
Speaker 5:yeah, it's been said I have a four-leaf clover those are testicles.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got four-leaf clover. I've said this before on the podcast, haven't I? I'm pretty sure I have. But yeah, my wife and I rely on bed and she goes look, you have rotating balls on your arm your wife's so funny and I have balls on my arm. Yeah, this is very, very cool. So Dan goes. Dan's not happy about this right now, so Dan was like was like I know I need to take care because this is the second time today where somebody's been brought up.
Speaker 3:Show them the balls on your arm, yeah no so dan goes up. Hey, josh, take a look at this real quick. You think I need to get this fixed. And I go. Well, what's he goes? I was told it looks like balls and I looked at it immediately started laughing. He's like should I get this fixed? And I'm like yeah, yeah, you should you should that, or go full tilt in it and put like little hairs on the balls, little fuzzies, yeah little fuzzies on there and just go full balls.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a tough one. It's not good.
Speaker 3:I don't know how you fix it. I don't know how you fix it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I haven't figured it out. I don't know what to do about it.
Speaker 5:I'll match your balls with another tattoo of mine. That's not great. I wanted to get wings on my back. All right, it's a bold move. Oh, I can't wait. Hold on, it's a bold move.
Speaker 3:Oh, I can't wait. Hold on, I can't wait to see this. Do you have wings on your back?
Speaker 2:Do you?
Speaker 5:have wings. Before I show anybody, I have to preface it. I told the tattoo artist. I was like, hey, this is what I want. I showed him a picture this is how much money I have. Can you do this? And he goes yes, we can definitely do that, Not even close to the size I want are these some mini wing dude?
Speaker 3:you got your little mini wings dude, all right, let's see this. You look like a pegasus, like a my little pony, flutter pony or it's like, but you grew out of your wings.
Speaker 5:That's what it looks like it looks like the the butterfly from A Bug's Life, that fat-ass caterpillar when he finally gets his wings. And they're just so tiny. Why don't you do butterflies? I don't want to change them now Just because they're so small and so silly to me, like I was like oh, I got to make them bigger. I got to fucking make them.
Speaker 1:No, you got to eat the wings. Yeah, they're so itty bitty and so bad. Yeah, I do, and I do, I think I'm just gonna, I think I'm just gonna color it in and just have black balls I don't know, I mean at least right now. They look like your balls, like the balls are the lines well they're, they're a little, no, it's the lines look at the yeah, it does give the lines. Look, it's like there's the weight of the ball.
Speaker 3:It's like, see it's sagging yeah, I, I don't, I don't know. Yeah, your wings. What's funnier to me is not the actual wings, it's you. It's the idea in your head that you're like it's gonna be so fucking dope and how excited you were. It's like that guy that bought a pt cruiser and he's on the like on the lot and he's like I want that one you know, and if it's like the pt cruiser, then those guys feel really cool for like a day or two.
Speaker 5:After even driving that pt cruiser they're like fuck, this is sick, because I looked in the the mirror and I was like oh, those are so sick. This is definitely gives me tons of pussy after enough people saw them, I was like oh wait, no, this isn't tight, this is what I wanted it to be so this one I have.
Speaker 3:It says bring me home. And I told the guy to say take me home and bring me home is not english, that's not proper english at all. That would be bring me home like bring that to me, not take me home. So that didn't make a lot of sense and I'm not even Irish. Yeah, they don't look like balls, I mean.
Speaker 4:I mean no, they don't.
Speaker 5:I still think, even if you colored him in, I still think they look like balls.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I would not color them in.
Speaker 1:There's a you guys have seen, you've seen it, so once you see it, you can't unsee it. It's like one of those things where, if you just had looked at it, you'd be like all right what's that?
Speaker 3:that looks like the stealer's font this one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it says godspeed it's my favorite word godspeed I got. I got all of these tattoos within three months.
Speaker 5:After quitting drinking.
Speaker 1:I got one and I was like oh, I really like this All the money.
Speaker 2:I've saved in a whole lot of tattoos.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I went to William Wood in the Hanes Mall in Winston-Salem and he just tattooed me. I'd be like this looks cool, put it on. And he's like, oh, jesus Christ, okay.
Speaker 3:It'd be really funny if everything he drew just looked like balls like he has an angel that has like balls.
Speaker 1:I have an aesthetic. Are you cool with that?
Speaker 3:I'm like yeah yeah man, he's like no man, it's. It's cool, you'll like it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you'll like it I don't know how he's doing.
Speaker 5:He had a pornhub account at one point of just his tattoos that he drew on people.
Speaker 1:No, him like hog tying a girl and getting wild with it. Yeah, how did you find that out? We met in AA. Oh, how did I find that out? His roommate, who's my friend, told me that and he's like you know, william's like filming stuff in his room and I was like really he goes, yeah, check this out. And then I was like good Lord.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a weird situation. Yeah, just because he was like, hey, not only is he doing this, but I happen to have it up on my phone, yeah, and I want you to watch it.
Speaker 1:Check it out, check it out. Hey, take your pants off too. This will be cool. It'll be a fun bonding experience, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, just go ahead. Come on, you just shrunk it a little bit. Show me what you do to the video.
Speaker 1:What do you? Your pants Come on. He's dead now. Yeah, he's dead, not the tattoo artist, the guy who showed me the ruin. Yeah, how did he die, heroin oh?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Way to bum me out Dan.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I mean, you know it's life.
Speaker 3:Godspeed, yeah, godspeed.
Speaker 1:Godspeed. You were like it's like an iPad app where you could draw on the iPad, and then I was like that looks like a cool font, and then just did that. Yeah, there was little to no thought put into that. No balls, though, no.
Speaker 3:No balls on the.
Speaker 1:Godspeed. No, I don't think there's anything down there. You got the shrewd up.
Speaker 3:You have the owl.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:The. There you got the shrewd up you have the owl. Yeah, the owl was the first one.
Speaker 1:I like the owl, that's your own drawing right.
Speaker 2:When you were, that was my own drawing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, look at you. Yeah, it's good to be in company with people who all have questionable cities, but I think my, yeah, I hate, I, I do. Actually, I really don't give a shit well, I have.
Speaker 3:I have one of, uh, walter white and some people ask me if it's me. They go, do you have a tattoo of yourself? And I'm like I don't look anything like Walter White.
Speaker 5:It was before the meth yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3:I don't know, I just wanted it because the guy who did it was cool and I don't know. I liked it it looks like.
Speaker 1:It's a little ashy now it looks like while you were actually on meth and now this is after the meth. You're like. I like sugar now I don't like meth.
Speaker 3:What's the problem? He's skinny, he's not skinny.
Speaker 1:That's what Walter White looked like. Yeah, he's skinny. He didn't get fat cancer.
Speaker 3:What are you? Oh, you're saying I don't look like him because he's skinny.
Speaker 1:I get it. You're like a healthier.
Speaker 3:No, you went for the cheap joke. I did.
Speaker 1:Of course that's fine. You were like I'll go for the fat joke. Look, I have balls on my arm, all right.
Speaker 3:I'm beaten but not broken.
Speaker 1:That should be your closer. What balls on their shoulder. Well, I got some.
Speaker 3:Oh, he's got an angel.
Speaker 1:A really small angel.
Speaker 3:He lifts about a foot off the ground.
Speaker 1:A fat butterfly from Bugs.
Speaker 2:I'm flying, I'm a beautiful butterfly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we do need to do that. We need to end this. Are we recording Jesus? How long have we gone? Let's see you want to. Two hours Probably. That's what that says up top. Oh man, look at that Hour and six minutes. He's bringing it in. Look, dan's like we got to end this. Yeah, this is great. I'm so glad to be here. Yeah, we're glad you're here.
Speaker 2:Hell yeah.
Speaker 3:We're glad you're here. Most people that walk in we say get the fuck out. Yeah, we said Harrison, come on in.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I would love to do this sometime when I'm prepared for it too, Just to hang out If anybody has any suggestions as to where to get a tattoo fixed, write in please.
Speaker 3:I want to get some black balls.
Speaker 5:Can you make these balls black? I need to add some balls to my wings. I think that's what I'm going to do.
Speaker 3:That's what it needs in the middle.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to get big old balls. Right next to it, the wings are holding up a giant set of balls.
Speaker 5:Yeah, they're doing their purpose.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
